Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days,

people

Use synonyms

argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that

childern

Correct your spelling

children

should use their phones during

Use synonyms

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

day

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss two different

view

Change to a plural noun

views

show examples

which is why

parent

Use synonyms

allow phones for their

childern

Correct your spelling

children

while

Linking Words

others prevent that. In previous days, the

expenture

Correct your spelling

expenditure

of life

forecd

Correct your spelling

forced

parent

Use synonyms

to work to get a comfortable life and have the necessary things,

as a result

Linking Words

of that they may come home

Change preposition

show examples

early

Correct article usage

the early

show examples

hours of

Correct article usage

the days

show examples

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

so they

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to make sure that their children

Add a missing verb

are in

show examples

peace

Replace the word

peaceful

show examples

place, return from

school

Use synonyms

to home, and eat well, though the easiest way to know

that is

Linking Words

to contact on

phone

Use synonyms

. Especially, those

people

Use synonyms

who have nobody can take care of their

kids

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

they are

Change preposition

show examples

work.

Moreover

Linking Words

, some

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

think that

kids

Use synonyms

didn't

Wrong verb form

don't

show examples

must

Verb problem

have to study

show examples

all

day

Use synonyms

study, they

also

Linking Words

need to have fun and

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

relax from

over thinking

Correct your spelling

overthinking

show examples

and

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

As well as

Linking Words

they

push

Rephrase

also push

show examples

them to have special time to chat with their friend, gaming,

have

Correct word choice

and have

show examples

pleasure from videos, like Instagram because they understand the

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

of pleasure to get well

Change preposition

show examples

school

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

think that

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

have

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

negative consequences for their

children in

Change preposition

children's

show examples

educational attainment. They prevent phones because they can not control how they should use

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

one

day

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, those

people

Use synonyms

want their

kids

Use synonyms

to have a high

grade

Fix the agreement mistake

grades

show examples

in all classes and they

forsed

Correct your spelling

forced

them on curriculum to get a high prestige job.

Otherwise

Linking Words

, the negative

psycholgy

Correct your spelling

psychology

of some

uses

Correct your spelling

users

show examples

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

hence

Linking Words

, nervous, over-acting,

scream

Wrong verb form

screaming

show examples

, and vanity. Some

kids

Use synonyms

who play a

lot

Add the preposition

lot of

show examples

time on

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

their phone

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

always scream

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

their parent

show examples

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

and

stubborn

Add a missing verb

are stubborn

show examples

and

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not want to study

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

. In the end, there

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a pros and cons to

use

Change the verb form

using

show examples

the

phone

Use synonyms

during

Use synonyms

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

day

Use synonyms

, though the most significant part is

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

parent

Use synonyms

, to manage

Correct article usage

the uses

show examples

uses

Fix the agreement mistake

use

show examples

Use synonyms

phone

Add an article

the phone

a phone

show examples

for their

kids

Use synonyms

kazza735

Feb 8, 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address the prompt by discussing both views equally and providing a clear opinion. Develop your arguments with more specific examples and reasons.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.

Language

Pay attention to accurate grammar and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly. Avoid overly simplistic language and sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
54
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Distraction
Cyberbullying
Concentration
Emergency communication
Digital literacy
Educational resources
Social development
Self-regulation
Enforcement
Socioeconomic status
Technology access
Learning apps
Screen time
Peer interaction
School policy

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