Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days,
people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that
childern
Correct your spelling
children
should use their phones during
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
day
. In
this
essay, I will discuss two different
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
which is why
parent
allow phones for their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
while
others prevent that. In previous days, the
expenture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
of life
forecd
Correct your spelling
forced
parent
to work to get a comfortable life and have the necessary things,
as a result
of that they may come home
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
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hours of
Correct article usage
the days
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
so they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
to make sure that their children
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
place, return from
school
to home, and eat well, though the easiest way to know
that is
to contact on
phone
. Especially, those
people
who have nobody can take care of their
kids
while
they are
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work.
Moreover
, some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
think that
kids
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
must
Verb problem
have to study
show examples
all
day
study, they
also
need to have fun and
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
relax from
over thinking
Correct your spelling
overthinking
show examples
and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
.
As well as
they
push
Rephrase
also push
show examples
them to have special time to chat with their friend, gaming,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
pleasure from videos, like Instagram because they understand the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
of pleasure to get well
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
.
On the other hand
,
people
think that
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative consequences for their
children in
Change preposition
children's
show examples
educational attainment. They prevent phones because they can not control how they should use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
one
day
.
However
, those
people
want their
kids
to have a high
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
in all classes and they
forsed
Correct your spelling
forced
them on curriculum to get a high prestige job.
Otherwise
, the negative
psycholgy
Correct your spelling
psychology
of some
uses
Correct your spelling
users
show examples
of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
hence
, nervous, over-acting,
scream
Wrong verb form
screaming
show examples
, and vanity. Some
kids
who play a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
time on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always scream
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their parent
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
and
stubborn
Add a missing verb
are stubborn
show examples
and
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not want to study
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
. In the end, there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a pros and cons to
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
the
phone
during
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
day
, though the most significant part is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
parent
, to manage
Correct article usage
the uses
show examples
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
of
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
for their
kids
.
Submitted by kazza735 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address the prompt by discussing both views equally and providing a clear opinion. Develop your arguments with more specific examples and reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Language
Pay attention to accurate grammar and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly. Avoid overly simplistic language and sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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