some people say that it is the responsibilty of individuals to save for their own care after their retires. TO what extend you aree agree or disagree?

#people #responsibilty #individuals #care #aree

There is a widely held view that every person should have old age savings for life after retirement since it is an individual responsibility. I totally agree with

this

statement and the reasons behind my thought will be discussed in the essay.

Firstly

, governance provides many opportunities for citizens to prepare for old age,

such

as creating job opportunities or being allowed to build businesses with simple requirements. And as a society, they have to be smart to take

this

chance so they can live well-being after resigning.

For instance

, the Indonesian government presents a hundred outlets for the public to establish local enterprises.

That is

why, when retirement is coming, it becomes a personal matter since the state has given it a chance.

Secondly

, everyone who decides to resign means that they already have many savings. They cannot rely on their families because it is not their obligation anymore.

For example

while

the

last

son lives with his family after marriage, he is responsible for the financial support of the family and taking care of other members. Eventually, he does not have the convenience to walk his life.

Hence

, each person should be managing personal finances during active periods till later years so they do not depend on their children or relatives. In conclusion, communities should be personally liable for essential needs because the nation has given a number of huge prospects to get profits for preparation before the rest.

Moreover

, independent living after stepping down brings comfort to other lineages and helps them have better futures.

Submitted by helainhye2 on Thu Feb 08 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay follows a clear logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all your points support your main argument consistently throughout your writing.

Task Achievement

You have provided a complete response to the question, with a clear opinion stated in both the introduction and conclusion. To enhance your task achievement, work on expanding your ideas more thoroughly and providing more specific examples to support your points.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people say that it is the responsibilty of individuals to save for their own care after their retires. TO what extend you aree agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

107.Some say that music is a good way of bringing people from different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people' salaries to pay for public services such as roads and schools. Other thinks high taxes are bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion.