some people say that it is the responsibilty of individuals to save for their own care after their retires. TO what extend you aree agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is a widely held view that every person should have old age savings for life after retirement since it is an individual responsibility. I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement and the reasons behind my thought will be discussed in the essay.

Firstly

Linking Words

, governance provides many opportunities for citizens to prepare for old age,

such

Linking Words

as creating job opportunities or being allowed to build businesses with simple requirements. And as a society, they have to be smart to take

this

Linking Words

chance so they can live well-being after resigning.

For instance

Linking Words

, the Indonesian government presents a hundred outlets for the public to establish local enterprises.

That is

Linking Words

why, when retirement is coming, it becomes a personal matter since the state has given it a chance.

Secondly

Linking Words

, everyone who decides to resign means that they already have many savings. They cannot rely on their families because it is not their obligation anymore.

For example

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

the

last

Linking Words

son lives with his family after marriage, he is responsible for the financial support of the family and taking care of other members. Eventually, he does not have the convenience to walk his life.

Hence

Linking Words

, each person should be managing personal finances during active periods till later years so they do not depend on their children or relatives. In conclusion, communities should be personally liable for essential needs because the nation has given a number of huge prospects to get profits for preparation before the rest.

Moreover

Linking Words

, independent living after stepping down brings comfort to other lineages and helps them have better futures.

helainhye2Thu Feb 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay follows a clear logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all your points support your main argument consistently throughout your writing.

Task Achievement

You have provided a complete response to the question, with a clear opinion stated in both the introduction and conclusion. To enhance your task achievement, work on expanding your ideas more thoroughly and providing more specific examples to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is argument that high remuneration is important than job satisfaction. In my view, the satisfaction at work is vital than financial benefits. In this essay I will explain my view with relevent examples.
7.5
band
All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that access to education at all levels, from primary school to universities, should be provided free of charge to everyone. In my opinion, teaching is a vital tool for personal growth, helping individuals choose their careers and develop their talents. In this essay, I will discuss how governments can support this process.
7.5
band
Many people believe thet media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this oppoinion?
In today's era, different platforms of media are extremely keen on well-known individuals and covering their private and public lives even throughout their everyday lives. Therefore, this leads us to pose a pivotal question, can this global phenomenon affect children's lives detrimentally? From my perspective, I am totally against this and I firmly believe that young people can effortlessly be controlled by celebrities and their ideas.
7.5
band
Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Some have suggested that the learner can have more ability and do something with fault, while others hold an opposing view that a person should give more prevented and tend to believe that their offspring can not do something with a misstep. In my opinion, I agree more with the former.
7.5
band
In today's distance age, anyone with the smart phone can capture and share photographs with accessibility to photograph demolishes value for professional photographer and to what extent do you agree to disagree?
Photographs are one of the best ways to save memories. In this digital age, the pervasiveness of smartphones passionate human beings to capture pictures and due to the importance of the professional domain remain less popular. I partially agree with this statement and my viewpoint will be discussed in upcoming paragraphs.

some people say that it is the responsibilty of individuals to save for their own care after their retires. TO what extend you aree agree or disagree?

Your opinion

A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people believe thet media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this oppoinion?

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In today's distance age, anyone with the smart phone can capture and share photographs with accessibility to photograph demolishes value for professional photographer and to what extent do you agree to disagree?