IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Children should go school or be taught at home. Discuss both aspects and give your opinion.

#children #school #home #aspects
With the recent pandemic
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Covid19,
children
 have been confronted
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 two modes of learning during their education. The first
one
 is the most classical way of being taught, which is going to
school
.
Whereas
, the second is less common and was previously reserved to the elites:
school
 but at home. Is the
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
former really more efficient than the latter ?
Firstly
, people generally recognize that
school
 is essential and the most practical system in order to teach to the greatest number of
children
 is in a classroom, led by a specialist
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a topic, who has studied
this
 subject for years.
One
 of the main advantages of
this
 method is the creation of a rigorous framework allowing an optimal state of mind for students, which in turn will result in the incorporation of social codes necessary to work efficiently.
Subsequently
,
school
 is a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 to teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 how to behave professionally in their future careers.
Moreover
, socializing, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an essential part of childhood, is mostly allowed by
school
, where
children
 can meet people of their age.
On the other hand
, some can argue that being taught at home
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 been the most frequent mode of education for a long time and
this
 method has some undeniable leverages as flexibility in the learning calendar. Indeed, it might be extremely convenient for
children
 to have the possibility to choose anytime what they want to study or when they feel in a great condition to work.
Nevertheless
, a drawback of it could be putting aside a topic that the student doesn’t like.
Finally
, a major benefit of homeschooling is the important increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure time, which could be used to practice sports or discover
extra scholar
Correct word choice
extracurricular
show examples
 activities. In conclusion, I would argue that going to
school
 is essential for the development of
children
 and
put
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 an excellent framework
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 study.
However
, it might be beneficial to homeschool
one
 or two days per week as a means of having a more flexible schedule. to home
school
one
 or two days per week as a means of having a more flexible schedule.
Submitted by lucieleschallierdelisle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly present both sides of the argument equally and provide a balanced discussion before concluding with your opinion. The essay ends with a clear opinion, but the balance between the two discussed aspects could be improved.
task achievement
Consider varied sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall readability and academic tone of the essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to create better links between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Examples provided should be more specific and detailed to support your arguments effectively. They help in illustrating your points and making your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Refrain from making absolute statements without providing evidence or examples. Being specific and providing illustrations strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
A clear introductory paragraph setting the tone for the discussion and a summarizing conclusion to bring closure and coherence to your essay are essential. Avoid introducing new ideas or arguments in your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid repetition or errors. The essay's concluding sentence is repeated, which could be an oversight due to lack of review.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!