Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future lives. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is evident that there are split opinions regarding whether
children
should gain experiences before they go to school,
while
others consider that
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
are the greatest influence when they are teenagers. I support the view that the practices gained in an adolescent
life
help people who they are going to be in the future in positive ways. Those who advocate keeping
children
occupied with interactive
games
may argue that it helps
children
not to waste their time playing
games
or watching the TV. To illustrate, nowadays
children
often tend to watch many video entertainment and play unintelligible
games
.
Hence
parents try to prevent
this
kind of leisure activity from impacting a child's
life
. The benefit of
this
is that the earlier infants learn an additional skill the more likely they are to master it and it brings added cognitive positive aspects.
However
, I would argue that the above upbringing is too strict and might not help all
children
. The best undergoing to have a successful
life
further
is to be in a well-behaved environment.
That is
to say, teenagers know what they need from
life
and can think soberly.
Consequently
, any gained experience will serve in a long-term period.
For instance
, a recent survey by Cambridge University found that real-
life
experiences during adolescence have a bigger influence on people's future lives. In conclusion,
while
others believe that interactive
games
help
children
build meaningful futures, I truly consider that practical knowledge has a major effect on
children
's well-being in the future.
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task somewhat effectively, but there are discrepancies and a lack of depth in the argumentation. More balanced discussion of both views before providing a personal opinion is needed.
task achievement
Work on creating clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph has a single, coherent idea. Introduce your personal opinion more clearly to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure, each should logically follow from the one before.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both views and stating your opinion more explicitly. Ensure the conclusion matches the introduction in presenting the scope of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Development
  • Emotional Foundation
  • Social Skills
  • Identity Formation
  • Critical Thinking
  • Peer Influence
  • Resilience
  • Leadership Qualities
  • Balanced Approach
  • Foundational Skills
  • Complex Social Dynamics
  • Empathy
  • Teamwork Skills
  • Decision-Making Skills
  • Risk and Reward Balance
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