IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more people are purchasing online instead of physically going to stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is certainly true that almost all
people
Use synonyms
 are buying online
instead
Linking Words
 of physically going to
stores
Use synonyms
. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 It is very useful for
people
Use synonyms
. I will explain more below. Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 are purchasing online more and more
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
. On the one hand, it is very useful for them because
this
Linking Words
 condition is very easy and there are many
products
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, online
stores
Use synonyms
 are very fast delivering but
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
 may
delay
Wrong verb form
be delayed
show examples
 because there are some problems.
In addition
Linking Words
,
online
Correct article usage
the online
show examples
market
Use synonyms
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 comfortable for
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many information is
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 about the
products
Use synonyms
,
for
Change preposition
so
show examples
client
Add an article
the client
a client
show examples
 must know about the product.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week I bought a new phone and I know about the phone.
That is
Linking Words
, I told
online
Correct pronoun usage
you online
show examples
 store is very convenient and online
stores
Use synonyms
 are increasing year by year.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, there are some negative aspects
online
Change preposition
to online
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
products
Use synonyms
 may
poor
Add a missing verb
be poor
show examples
 quality and clients buy these
products
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
, clients can apply to the online store. Usually, more and more I use the online
market
Use synonyms
 but some
products
Use synonyms
 may
poor
Add a missing verb
be poor
show examples
 quality. It is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 unpleasant condition.
Then
Linking Words
, I
unbelievable
Add a missing verb
was unbelievable
show examples
 to
online
Add an article
the online
show examples
market
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, online markets are conducting obesity because
people
Use synonyms
 are not attempting.
That is
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should go to the
market
Use synonyms
, for obesity is losing from
this
Linking Words
 situation. In my opinion, simple
Use synonyms
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
 are losing in
distant
Correct article usage
the distant
show examples
 future. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 more and more are purchasing online
instead
Linking Words
 of physically going to
stores
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 condition is useful for
people
Use synonyms
 but there are some negative aspects to
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph. Avoid introducing new topics without proper explanation or connection.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'For example' should be used accurately to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs fully with clear topic sentences, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence to summarize or transition.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the question to ensure a complete response. Provide detailed examples to illustrate each point you make.
task achievement
Be clear and specific when presenting your ideas, avoiding overly general statements. Use concrete examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Work on grammar and sentence structures to improve clarity. Errors can make it hard to follow your argument and reduce the impact of your examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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