IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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There is a predominant notion that individuals should be allowed to work at any
age
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.
Therefore
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, in some countries, it is illegal to stop recruiting aged
people
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. In my opinion, it is a positive practice, and other nations may need to follow the same policy.
To begin
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 with, recruiters must check one’s experiences and knowledge rather than their
age
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. Some careers,
such
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 as leadership and consultancy, are not limited to
age
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 and can be handled / pursued by older adults.
This
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 is because these jobs do not require physical abilities, and depend entirely on a person’s knowledge, experience and expertise.
This
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 usually comes with years of practice;
thus
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, their knowledge is their main asset and makes them more competent than others.
In addition
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, their skills are not limited to work-related matters, older
people
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 are more mature, and their experience allows them to act more effectively in hard times. To illustrate, they often have good crisis and anger management skills.
This
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 is beneficial for
the
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apply
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companies
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 because having employees who can help them in critical situations without panicking is a significant bonus.
Moreover
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,
companies
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 can rehire retired employees for lower wages than younger ones.
This
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 will help
companies
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 gain the benefit of having an experienced workforce on a lower budget.
For example
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, a project manager who is retired may be willing to work for seventy
percent
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per cent
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 of the salary of a new joiner.
Also
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, employers will save them time and money, which is required to train a new employee.
Furthermore
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, being rehired will give a purpose of life to elderly
people
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. It will be hard for a person who has been working for thirty years
and
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or
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 above to sit at home without any goal. If elderly
people
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 feel they are rejected by society, they might go through a depression. In conclusion, it is true that some jobs have
age
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 restrictions, as they might need physical power and health, but in my opinion, there are plenty of jobs that can be done by aged
people
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. They can become a beneficial workforce, as they will allow
companies
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 to have experienced employees
while
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 saving costs.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. Strengthen the logical flow of ideas by ensuring the progression of arguments or points is even clearer.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed with a balanced view, especially if the question asks for discussion on both positive and negative aspects. Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples to support your main points and enhance the specificity of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
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