In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. - What are the reasons for this? - Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays,
people
are working hard every day. Some Use synonyms
people
work on weekends and Use synonyms
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
tiredly
. After Replace the adverb
tired
than
, they Correct word choice
that
needs
Change the verb form
need
to
more time and free time. Change preposition
apply
On the other
Linking Words
hand
they are Add a comma
hand,
triying
to be more Correct your spelling
trying
healty
. They want to do Correct your spelling
healthy
sports
but Use synonyms
that is
a big problem in some countries and some cities because every person wants to do Linking Words
sports
outside, walking outdoors, Use synonyms
runnig
and some Correct your spelling
running
differents
outdoor Correct your spelling
different
sports
Use synonyms
however
, everybody knows humanity Linking Words
builts
Correct your spelling
builds
apartmans
everywhere. That's why most Correct your spelling
apartments
of
Change preposition
apply
people
prefer saloon Use synonyms
sports
.
When you look around, you can find Use synonyms
fitness
Use synonyms
center
on every street. Generally, a lot of Fix the agreement mistake
centers
fitness
Use synonyms
saloon
Correct your spelling
salons
working
with monthly Wrong verb form
work
account
and single training. Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
However
, some premium Linking Words
fitness
Use synonyms
center
prefer working with personal Fix the agreement mistake
centers
fitness
Use synonyms
trainer
. Of course, Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
that is
more expensive but Linking Words
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely much more
muchmore
effective. They are doing exercise in Correct your spelling
much more
short
time with students and Correct article usage
a short
more
Add a missing verb
are more
efective
Correct your spelling
effective
moreover
they are less far Linking Words
sports
injuries.
Use synonyms
In my
opinion, I prefer Change preposition
My
work
with Fix the infinitive
to work
personal
trainer because I Add an article
a personal
am really scare
to injured doing Change the verb form
am really scared
sports
. If I work personal coach, he can show me Use synonyms
true
training program and every second supports Correct article usage
a true
to
me. As you know they are Change preposition
apply
proffessional
, they are Correct your spelling
professional
professionals
pass
Wrong verb form
passing
the
some education about Remove the article
apply
this
. Linking Words
This
is a positive development because most Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
Use synonyms
people
inexperienced Add a verb
people are
people were
about
Change preposition
in
sports
. If they are taking help, they can have Use synonyms
Use synonyms
fitness
Correct quantifier usage
more fitness
more
Correct word choice
and more
proffesional
experience.
Correct your spelling
professional
To sum up
, If you are doing Linking Words
sports
seriously like me you can take some help Use synonyms
to
professional Change preposition
from
fitness
trainers. Maybe you can waste more money Use synonyms
however
, you will save Linking Words
life
.Add an article
a life
Submitted by kagancihan9 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The response seems underdeveloped and lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Paragraphing needs to be clearer, with a more distinct separation of ideas. There should be a more obvious introduction and conclusion to frame the response. Transitions between sentences can also be improved to aid in the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
While the response touches on the reasons for hiring personal fitness trainers and takes a clear stance on viewing it as a positive development, the ideas presented are not fully elaborated and lack comprehensive detail. Including a wider range of ideas and developing each one with specific examples will improve task achievement. The response should also be more directly linked to the question throughout.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.