10/2 In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, the age of having the first kid for each family has increased,
more
people are less willing to have kids Correct word choice
and more
in
Change preposition
at
their
younger ages. Personally, I believe there are some factors Correct pronoun usage
apply
influence
their opinions, the following content will outline Correct pronoun usage
that influence
factors
and benefits of Correct article usage
the factors
this
trend.
Firstly
, because of economic issue
, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
such
as financial
crisis, the younger generation is unable to afford childcare. Correct article usage
the financial
For example
, young workers need to spend more time
to work
, in order to earn the money to buy their own houses, pay their monthly bills and save money for future demand. Change the verb form
working
As a result
, without enough free time
and financial ability, families' willingness of having
Change preposition
to have
children
would dramatically decrease.
The mature attitude of having an intact family and sufficient financial support are
the most Change the verb form
is
benefits
of Replace the word
beneficial
this
trend. As growing older, young generations would
realise the difficulty of having a child, Verb problem
apply
therefore
, they would
be well-prepared for the upcoming challenges. Wrong verb form
will
Furthermore
, after several years in work fields, most young workers have been promoted or have a
higher salaries, which means their socio-economic background can financially support them to raise their Correct article usage
apply
children
. Hence
, it becomes a proper time
for them to give birth their
babies.
In conclusion, insufficient family income and economic pressure are the most crucial elements to influence people to have Change preposition
to their
children
. As young people have obtained more social experience and money, it turns into the most suitable time
for having the
first kid. I firmly believe Change the word
their
this
is a positive trend for both parents and children
.Submitted by chaoweikevin on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you mentioned the reasons for older parenthood, you should also clearly discuss specific advantages and disadvantages. Incorporate relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop a more logical structure by organizing your main points clearly. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and conclude with a brief summary of the main points discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your coherence by connecting ideas and paragraphs smoother with the help of better transitions and cohesive devices. Each paragraph must lead naturally into the next.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Providing concrete examples helps to convey your ideas more effectively and makes your essay more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.