IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with colleague?

#people #leisure #time #colleagues #life #work #colleague
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Many
people
 prefer enjoying their free time with
people
 outside their
work
,
instead
 of hanging out with their colleagues because they want to separate their personal things from their
work
life
. I argue that it is preferable to split the
work
 environment with the private
life
 because most
people
 do not want to remember their
work
 responsibilities when they are enjoying their off days. Obviously, employees need to relieve their stress and unwind after long exhausting days when they are leisuring. If they have to meet their colleagues again, they will remain haunted by their business because they constantly get involved with familiar faces, even though in a different setting. The workers should cool down for a
while
 and enjoy their intimate time when they get a chance.
Moreover
, If they have an unsolved argument, either at their job or in their personal
life
, there is a tendency of ruining both of their relationship, personally and professionally. It is nearly impossible to be insensible and separate those two circumstances completely because both
work
 and personal
life
 will have some impact from one to another, after all. The worker might still hold a grudge against his/her colleague or have a hatred toward each other, even if they have already made an agreement to keep their personal issue outside
work
 settings. In conclusion, In my perspective,
people
 at
work
 should not mix
work
 things with their personal lives to avoid having more conflicts outside
work
 that can affect their
work
 professionally, and vice versa.
Instead
, the employees should enjoy their personal space and leave their
work
-related matters completely in order to have a more pleasant leisure time and holiday.
Submitted by shafatriviaa on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task. The essay provides a clear position, but could benefit from discussing more extensively the potential benefits of spending leisure time with colleagues, to provide a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further with specific examples and explanations to strengthen the argument making sure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and use a range of cohesive devices to help the text flow more naturally. Avoid repetition of points and try to elaborate on them with different angles or perspectives to maintain engagement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude with a summarization of the main points and restate the thesis, making sure it reflects the content of the body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmonious environment
  • effective collaboration
  • socializing
  • fostering
  • outlet for stress
  • blurring boundaries
  • privacy concerns
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • multinational companies
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • teamwork
What to do next:
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