Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views.
It is often thought that some people believe that money is a very important factor in achieving happiness.
However
, some say that such
a mindset is not related to people’s emotions. In my opinion, I believe that wealth does affect our emotional state. This
essay will list the debatable statements of both sides.
To begin
with, the argument supporting the statement is that the richer you are, the better your life will be. In fact, cash does give you plenty of privileges than those who have less. For example
, public transportation with better hygiene and accommodations will cost you extra
than the other regular public transport. Another example is,that a better hotel would Correct word choice
more
also
offer more deals to those who can afford expensive rooms. The feeling when we can have things we want will affect our emotions, as it can increase our happiness level.
On the other hand
, the contra of believing that wealth affects our emotions can turn us into an ungrateful person and hypnotize us into craving higher positions. Craving for more cash can make us forget about the other important aspects of life. For instance
, we can miss gatherings with our family only because we want to earn more.
In conclusion, although
such
a mindset has several lacks, I still believe that money does affect our feelings significantly. The privileges we can have when we’re stacked with bucks will allow us to explore things and learn new stuff. Furthermore
, such
activity can boost our happiness level.Submitted by helma.devina on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the logical structure flows smoothly from introduction to conclusion with clear, coherent transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion that effectively paraphrase the question and clearly state the position of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments, which will add depth to the essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, make sure to discuss both views in detail, and provide a balanced comparison.
task achievement
Express ideas more precisely and comprehensively, ensuring each paragraph has a central idea that is thoroughly elaborated upon.
task achievement
Use more relevant, specific examples that clearly support your arguments on both sides of the issue.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?