These days in some countries an increasing number of young adults are choosing their whole weekends inside homes. Why do you think it is happening ? Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
their
is an Replace the word
there
increase
number of young adults who prefer to spend their whole Replace the word
increased
weekends
insides
homes. Replace the word
inside
This
is because young
generation likes to isolate themselves and spend Correct article usage
the young
time
on their own. This
is a negative development to
our society because youngsters are Change preposition
for
some how
getting detached from Correct your spelling
somehow
outside
world.
In my Add an article
the outside
countries
young Fix the agreement mistake
country
people
like international students or full-time
workers who live away from their hometown are most likely to spend their weekends
at their homes, there can be many reasons to
Change preposition
for
this
situation. Firstly
, most people
work or study Monday to Friday so, they like to spend their weekend relaxing, doing house chores or some pending tasks that they were unable to do during the week. Secondly
, young one's
do not want to Change the noun form
ones
one
come
Verb problem
become
incontact
with other humans because they have social anxiety and Correct your spelling
in contact
moreover
, people
become more introvert
when they start getting responsibilities of work etc. For some Replace the word
introverted
people
it is a positive development but on Add a comma
people,
other
hand, it is actually not.
Spending their free days or Correct article usage
the other
weekends
at home make
them lazy, they do not indulge themselves in any outdoor activities or social works that not only spend their Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
time
but also
they can learn new things. Sitting on your couch or laying
on your bed for the whole weekend Correct your spelling
lying
make
them feel Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
depress
and Change the verb form
depressed
instead
of getting energy
Correct article usage
the energy
for starting
a new week they get more and more tired. Isolating themselves on Saturdays and Sundays Change preposition
to start
are
only happening because of social Correct subject-verb agreement
is
intraction
with others. In Correct your spelling
interaction
interactions
early
Correct article usage
the early
time
, Fix the agreement mistake
times
people
use
to go out Wrong verb form
used
in
Change preposition
at
weekends
with their families or friends and do some interesting activities that makes
them feel more energetic and Change the verb form
make
prepare
Wrong verb form
prepared
them
for a new week. But, the ongoing trend is having Correct pronoun usage
apply
negative
impact on Add an article
a negative
physical
and mental health of the young Add an article
the physical
one's
.
Change noun form
ones
To conclude
, each
Correct pronoun usage
apply
and
Correct word choice
apply
every thing
has its positive and negative side, excess of anything is harmful Correct your spelling
everything
for
Change the preposition
to
ourselves
. Staying home at Correct pronoun usage
us
weekends
is good until it becomes a habit. If someone is following
this
trend is
happy in his/her present, they will for sure be suffering to spend their days off in future. So, Correct word choice
and is
instead
of choosing to spend your time
at home, do some outdoor activities that will make you physically and mentally strong.Submitted by harneet2001kaur on
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task achievement
The essay presents a number of ideas but they are not always well developed. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details and examples to fully develop your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by using clearer transitions and by organizing content in a way that each paragraph builds upon the previous one. The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentences to convey your ideas precisely while avoiding repetition of words and phrases. Ensure proper paragraphing with clear topic sentences to establish the subject of each paragraph.
task achievement
Expand your introduction by providing background information on why the trend may be occurring and outline the points you plan to discuss. Similarly, make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and answer the essay question clearly stating if it is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Give specific examples to support your claims. Instead of making general statements about why young adults may prefer to stay indoors on weekends, provide concrete examples or cite studies and statistics that can lend credibility to your argument. This will also make your essay more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.