IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Overpopulation is the world’s most serious environmental problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#overpopulation #world’s
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of humans in the
world
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 substantially over the years, slowly but steadily turning into a massive environmental
catastrophy
Correct your spelling
catastrophe
. It is my own contention that
although
Linking Words
 the excess population is one of the most concerning issues in the contemporary
world
Use synonyms
 alongside others like plastic waste and carbon emissions. First and foremost, there are over 8
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 humans inhabiting the distinctive geolocations of the
world
Use synonyms
. Statistically,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human-caused activities are placed at the most impactful factors that pollute our
environment
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, overpopulation drives companies
stick
Add the particle
to stick
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burning fossil fuels so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 keep up with the
ever rising
Add a hyphen
ever-rising
show examples
 energy demand,
therefore
Linking Words
, releasing poisonous
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
carbon gasses
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the upper atmosphere, expediting the greenhouse effect all over the
world
Use synonyms
. To cite an example, independent air measurements depict an alarming rate of upward movement in the volume of those gasses in the
environment
Use synonyms
, posing a formidable threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, countries with the most population are the ones that undergo the most serious implications. A correlation factor between
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people and
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to the
environment
Use synonyms
 illustrates a
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 trend, where a higher number indicates more damage caused to the
environment
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, overpopulation is a chief culprit behind the uncontrolled
expansionizm
Correct your spelling
expansionism
expansion
 of urban cities,
thus
Linking Words
,
delibaretly
Correct your spelling
deliberately
 causing existing flora and fauna to
dissappear
Correct your spelling
disappear
. In conclusion, crowdedness is indeed the leading cause of
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 that we encounter today, since all other factors are either inferior or originated from it.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Tips
Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the question, providing a clear position that you intend to explain throughout the essay.
Body Paragraphs
Develop your main points with supporting examples and ensure that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
Cohesive Devices
Make use of varied cohesive devices to link ideas together and improve the flow of the essay. Avoid repetition by using synonyms and paraphrasing.
Task Response
Maintain a clear position throughout your essay, addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
Paragraph Structure
Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph having a clear main idea, explained and supported by specific details.
Conclusion Tips
Write a conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also reiterates your position on the topic, drawing a final conclusion based on the argument presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: