IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should decide the subject for students to study in university. Others believe that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #government #students #study #university
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Governments
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in
students
Use synonyms
' foster and education. After graduation from high school, each student has to choose his or her major to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the university. Some believe that it is the government who has to choose the major for each one,
while
Linking Words
 others say that
students
Use synonyms
 must select themselves. In my point of view, it is definitely pupils who have to pick their profession. The advocators of
governments
Use synonyms
 choosing the major argue that they know what is better for both the student and the society. They have all the records of each individual's grades.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can analyze them and find out about each pupil's talents and his or her potential
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
further
Linking Words
studies
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the government knows the required professions of the association and it is their duty to provide jobs for each person after graduation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they assign a major to each student based on his or her talents and
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 needs in order for them to be a useful member of the nation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. They argue that everyone should have the freedom to choose his or her future. They believe that regardless of the demands of society and exam grades,
people
Use synonyms
 must have the right to follow their dreams. If each person
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 his or her profession freely,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job satisfaction will arise and it has many positive effects on public mental health.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when
students
Use synonyms
 pick their
further
Linking Words
studies
Use synonyms
 themselves with interest, they will put more effort
Change preposition
into
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it and they will be more successful in their jobs.
Hence
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can serve their nation by following their desired professional path and becoming the best in it.
Overall
Linking Words
, I completely disagree with the opinion that
governments
Use synonyms
 should choose
students
Use synonyms
' future
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studies
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 they know the association's job requirements, it is not a good approach to force
people
Use synonyms
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 a major and not to let them select
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. If
students
Use synonyms
 pick their path of study, they can be a suitable person in their jobs. It is recommended that
governments
Use synonyms
 provide job opportunities for all
studies
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of limiting
people
Use synonyms
 what to choose.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, and develop paragraphs that progress logically. Use a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance readability.
task achievement
For task achievement, expand your support for each viewpoint with more detailed examples and explanations. Ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in equal depth and your opinion is clearly stated and well-supported throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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