IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #support #funds #arts #money #health #education
Nowadays, there are various debates about where and how the government should spend money. Some people believe that
art
 is important for any society, so authorities should consider it when they want to allocate a budget, but
on the contrary
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think public
health
 and education are more essential for
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. The importance of
art
 in our nation is undeniable. It is one of the key elements
to depict
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in depicting
show examples
 cultures
to
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the globe.
For instance
, If the government find it valuable enough to spend money they will see how their country is becoming influenced positively by absorbing more tourists.
Because usually
Correct word choice
Usually
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 tourists who are looking for
art
 galleries or museums will be charged.
However
, there is no doubt that
human’s
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human
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health
 and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much more vital than
art
.
As a result
,
art
 boosts
countries
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countries'
country's
show examples
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
 and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spread their culture all over the world.
In contrast
, some opponents are against
of
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apply
show examples
spending
for
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on
show examples
art
,
while
health
 conditions and
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
show examples
 education system are more beneficial. If people feel
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 and motivated the level of life expectancy in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be raised.
Additionally
, developing schools and universities to grow expert workforces,
also
 can increase financial status in societies.
For example
, a country with
healthful
Correct article usage
a healthful
show examples
 population and knowledgable individuals will be more powerful than others. In conclusion,
art
 is a valuable sector for extending our culture to other countries, but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not neglect of public
health
 and education system.
As a result
, nobody can underestimate their worth, so all nations should make a balance when they are classifying their budget.
Submitted by afrough on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction presents the topic clearly and outlines the views you'll be discussing. Include a thesis statement that reflects your own opinion. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs by presenting one view and its supporting arguments, followed by the contrasting view and its supporting arguments. This logical structure makes it easier for the reader to follow your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the two views and restating your own opinion. It's important to have a concluding statement that encapsulates the main points of your essay.
task achievement
Provide complete responses to the prompt. While you touched on both views, make sure you give them equal treatment and clearly state your opinion. This will enhance the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Try to present your ideas in a clear and comprehensive manner by fully developing your arguments and ensuring that each body paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples can greatly support your arguments. These examples should directly relate to the views being discussed and should clearly illustrate why one perspective might be chosen over the other.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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