IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
INCREASES IN THE NUMBER OF
PEOPLE
 WHO
PREFFER
Correct your spelling
PREFER
 TO GO
Change preposition
TO UNIVERSTIES
show examples
UNIVERSTIES
Correct your spelling
UNIVERSITIES
 FOR ACADEMIC STUDY CAUSE
DECLINE
Correct article usage
A DECLINE
show examples
OF
Change preposition
IN
show examples
 QUALIFIED WORKERS WHICH ARE ELECTRIANS AND PLUMBERS. IN MY OPINION,
PEOPLE
 SHOULD NOT
FORCE
Wrong verb form
BE FORCED
show examples
 TO TEND
QUALIFIED
Change preposition
TO QUALIFIED
show examples
WORKS
,
INSTEAD
OF
Change preposition
apply
show examples
THAT
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, THEY SHOULD TEND TO
PEOPLE
 WHO
CANNOT
Verb problem
CAN
show examples
 PASS THE ACADEMIC STUDY EXAM AND SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO THESE JOBS,
BECUASE
Correct your spelling
BECAUSE
 IT BOTH DECREASE THE RATE OF
UNEMPLOYEMENT
Correct your spelling
UNEMPLOYMENT
EMPLOYMENT
 AND
RISES
Correct your spelling
RAISES
show examples
 THE NUMBER OF QUALIFIED WORKERS. FIRST AND FOREMOST, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE
ABOUT
Change preposition
THAT
show examples
PEOPLE
 SHOULD BE FORCED
FOR CHOOSING
Change preposition
TO CHOOSE
show examples
 THE QUALIFIED
WORKS
Fix the agreement mistake
WORK
show examples
.
THAT IS
 BECAUSE UNENTHUSIASTIC JOBS CAN CAUSE SOME DANGEROUS ISSUES.
ACCORDING TO
 THE RESEARCH FROM CITIZENS OF BELGIUM, THEY INFORM THAT ELECTRICIANS WHO DO NOT WANT TO WORK IN
THIS
 JOB DO NOT CARE ABOUT
PEOPLE'
Change noun form
PEOPLE'S
show examples
 LIVES AND
EXHIBITED
Wrong verb form
EXHIBIT
show examples
 AWFUL
WORKS
Fix the agreement mistake
WORK
show examples
 IN FRONT OF
PEOPLE
. NAMELY, BECAUSE
OF
Change preposition
apply
show examples
RELUCTANT WORKERS WHO
FRIGHTENED
Add a missing verb
ARE FRIGHTENED
show examples
 OR FORCED
FOR CHOOSING
Change preposition
TO CHOOSE
show examples
THIS
 JOB, DO NOT OBEY THE RULES AND REVEAL MEANINGLESS
WORKS
Fix the agreement mistake
WORK
show examples
 FOR INDIVIDUALS.
FURTHERMORE
, THE BEST WAY FOR SOLVING
THIS
 PROBLEM CAN BE ACADEMIC EXAM FOR UNIVERSITY. IN SPECIFIC,
PEOPLE
Change preposition
FOR PEOPLE
show examples
 WHO CANNOT PASS THE EXAM, GOVERNMENTS SHOULD ASK THEIR
THINKINGS
Replace the word
THOUGHTS
show examples
 ABOUT WORKING AS ELECTRICIANS OR PLUMBERS;
FOR INSTANCE
, IF STUDENTS ACCEPT TO DO VOCATIONAL TRAINING, THE NUMBER OF
UNEMPLOYMENT
Replace the word
UNEMPLOYED
show examples
 WOULD BE DIVE AND
PEO[PLE
Correct your spelling
PEOPLE
 WHO DIRECT TO WORK IN THESE SECTIONS WILL SURGE. IN SHORT,
INSTEAD
 OF FORCING
PEOPLE
 TO CHOOSE THESE JOBS, THESE PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED
BY
Change preposition
IN
show examples
THIS
 WAY.
Submitted by asgerlituran35 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to enhance the structure of your essay.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay can be improved by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by relevant explanations and examples.
supported main points
Elaborate on your main points with more developed arguments and provide relevant examples to support your position. This will enhance the coherence of the essay and ensure that your ideas are fully explained and supported.
complete response
Your essay should provide a more complete response to the prompt by addressing both sides of the issue, even if you ultimately take a clear position. Be sure to explain why you agree or disagree with the statement, giving balanced considerations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overgeneralizations and make sure each argument is fully fleshed out and easy to understand.
relevant specific examples
To strengthen your essay, incorporate specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Use these examples to illustrate your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the issue.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!