IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#cities #people #hours #traffic #effects #society
Nowadays,
traffic
 is becoming more and more of a headache for society and authorities.
Furthermore
, in a number of cities,
drivers
 can be stuck in
traffic
 for hours, and that big of
traffic
 can result in pollution and health problems.
However
, we can still take action to counteract
this
 problem.
Firstly
, heavy
traffic
 produces pollution, which damages our atmosphere.
Traffic
 congestion increases vehicle emissions and degrades ambient air quality.
Moreover
, air pollution emitted from transportation contributes to smog, and to poor air quality, which has negative impacts on the health and welfare of people. Henceforth,
drivers
 are open to diseases
such
 as lung cancer, heart issues and road accidents, and being exposed to the daily hassles of
traffic
 can
also
 lead to higher chronic stress. Many studies have linked proximity to busy roads to a variety of adverse health outcomes in both adults and children, including respiratory symptoms, asthma attacks, decreases in lung function, heart attacks, and low birth weight.
Additionally
, the more congestion that
drivers
 experience, the more frustrated they become, leading to cases of road rage.
For example
, when
drivers
 are late for work or frustrated with
traffic
, they may begin to exhibit dangerous driving behaviours,
such
 as speeding, cutting other
drivers
 off, or tailgating. Sometimes the rage can escalate to fights, causing more unneeded congestion.
However
, we can take some measures to solve these issues. One way is to use more public transport. Not only does it reduce gas emissions, but it is
also
 cheaper.
Besides
, governments should build more roads and have more train and bus services. Another thing the Council can do is increase parking fees,
therefore
drivers
 cannot bring their cars unnecessarily. In conclusion,
although
 it can be very hard to deal with
this
 unwelcome matter, we should try our best and think for the sake of
this
 planet.
Submitted by trungnh283 on

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task achievement
Try to further elaborate on the solutions proposed. For instance, discuss how increased parking fees can directly influence traffic reduction and provide examples of cities where similar measures have been effective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your ideas. For instance, while mentioning public transport, briefly discuss its benefits in reducing individual stress levels and improving overall well-being.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic and summarizing the main points discussed.
task achievement
The essay includes a balanced discussion of both the effects and potential solutions regarding heavy traffic, offering a well-rounded perspective on the issue.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as health issues related to air pollution and road rage, which enhance the relevance and clarity of the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • idling vehicles
  • greenhouse gases
  • urban sprawl
  • road rage
  • leisure activities
  • economic consequences
  • productivity
  • public transportation
  • emissions
  • quality of life
  • fuel consumption
  • environmental damage
  • stress and anxiety
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