Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss bith views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there are various debates about where and how the government should spend money. Some people believe that
art
Use synonyms
is important for any society, so authorities should consider it when they want to allocate a budget, but
on the contrary
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, others think public
health
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and education are more essential for the population. The importance of
art
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in our nation is undeniable. It is one of the key elements in depicting cultures around the globe.
For instance
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, If the government find it valuable enough to spend money they will see how their country is becoming influenced positively by absorbing more tourists.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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tourists who are looking for
art
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galleries or museums will be charged.
However
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, there is no doubt that human
health
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and well-being
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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much more vital than
art
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.
As a result
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,
art
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boosts countries’ economies and helps them spread their culture all over the world.
In contrast
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, some opponents are against spending on
art
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,
while
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health
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conditions and an improved education system are more beneficial. If people feel
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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and motivated the level of life expectancy in society will be raised.
Additionally
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, developing schools and universities to grow expert workforces,
also
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can increase financial status in societies.
For example
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, a country with a healthful population and
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
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individuals will be more powerful than others. In conclusion,
art
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is a valuable sector for extending our culture to other countries, but the government should not neglect of public
health
Use synonyms
and education system.
As a result
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, nobody can underestimate their worth, so all nations should make a balance when they are classifying their budget.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it is supported with specific examples or further explanation. While the essay mentions the impact of art on tourism and the importance of health and education, more detailed examples or data could strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding your main points with explanations and examples that more directly support your argument. This will lead to a clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly by using a range of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Ensure that the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Reinforce the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating the topic and summarizing the main points with a definitive stance, ensuring relevance to the question throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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