IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries students who leave high school have no understanding of how to manage their money What do you think are the reasons?What can be done to improve chis important skill?

#countries #students #school #money #chis #skill
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There are many places
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the world where students leave high school and they can'
t
Use synonyms
 manage their
money
Use synonyms
, there are many reasons
because
Correct word choice
why
show examples
this
Linking Words
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we have to know
that is
Linking Words
 not too easy
manage
Fix the infinitive
to manage
show examples
 our
expenses
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 when we are young because young people like to spend
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 clothes and food because when they get their first job and they start to earn
money
Use synonyms
 is really exciting and there are some people who don'
t
Use synonyms
 have things to pay because
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 they live with their parents, so it's really hard to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
control of things that they really need to buy. For another hand, there are young people who have many
expenses
Use synonyms
 because they have children or they want to help their parents with doubts, they
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 parents
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 of their salary and they can'
t
Use synonyms
 administrate
money
Use synonyms
 because they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough to manage, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 is really hard for them to find the best way to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
control of their
money
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think that a useful way to manage
money
Use synonyms
 for someone who left
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school is with notes, they can write
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a notebook all that they earn in a month and separate
main
Correct pronoun usage
their main
show examples
expenses
Use synonyms
 leaving less important things to buy for the end.
To conclude
Linking Words
 everything
is gonna
Verb problem
apply
show examples
depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the situation that they are
, but
Change preposition
in, but
show examples
 is good to organize all the main
expenses
Use synonyms
 with the salary to have a balance.
Submitted by j.mol.santana on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be improved by providing a clearer explanation of the issue and stating your position or thesis more distinctly. Ensure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main points of your essay effectively.
logical structure
Consider practising the development of clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points. Use cohesive devices (linking words) more precisely to create better flow and clarity.
supported main points
Your main points could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples and evidence. Consider using statistics or real-life scenarios to underscore your arguments.
complete response
While your response addresses the question, aim to produce a more complete answer that fully explores the reasons and solutions with depth and breadth. Expand your ideas further and avoid overly generalized statements.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting your ideas with greater clarity and detail. Shape your argument with fully explained concepts and avoid ambiguous or vague phrases.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant examples that are specific to the topic of financial management among young people. Relatable anecdotes, hypothetical situations, or well-known facts could serve as compelling evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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