IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many elderly people are no longer being looked after by their families, rather they are living in nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#people #families #homes #trend #answers
The average age of people living
un
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 my country has grown exponentially in my country. The difficult decision between taking care of the elderly and
living
Verb problem
leaving
show examples
 them at a nursing home has become a hot topic around. I believe they should be taken care of in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nursing homes For starters, They are paid to do
this
 job and they are better at It than
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. The staff at these facilities are properly trained and know best how to take care of someone with
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 conditions. You could not do a better job than them because they know what they are doing. That said, The familial bond would be missing in these houses. No matter what you try to say and what you try to provide
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them, They are not these people's sons and daughters.
This
 would lead to depression in the
attendee's
Change noun form
attendees
show examples
, As they would feel left out by the outside world. Even a
twice per week
Add a hyphen
twice-per-week
show examples
 visit won't satisfy
this
 urge to be looked at as a particular social figure. All in all, I believe the pros
beats
Change the verb form
beat
show examples
 the cons. No matter how we look at it, having a professional look after your loved ones would be of the utmost
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 to anyone with people in need of
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
. These houses would provide all the
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 resources required for
such
 endeavours.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, you should ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, including a discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. You have provided a clear position on the topic, but the coverage of disadvantages is quite limited.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a range of linkers and cohesive devices effectively. While you have begun with an introduction, it could be clearer, as it doesn't fully introduce the topic or outline the advantages and disadvantages. Further, your essay would benefit from a separate, clear conclusion summarizing the main points discussed.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Your essay lacks specific, relevant examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of elderly people living in nursing homes. Including such examples would strengthen the quality of your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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