IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some companies sponsor sport and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sport #sports #stars #people
A majority of giant
companies
 prefer to advertise themselves by sponsoring prevalent
sports
teams
 and athletes. Whilst, certain individuals content the notion that
such
 investments are beneficial in terms of fame and popularity, others have a contradictory opinion in which these sponsorships are considered detrimental. It is my contention that the benefit of an advertisement to the audience largely hinges on the promoting company and the product it advertises. First and foremost, advertisement is a massive business market , especially in
sports
 events,
companies
 continuously give sponsorships to successful athletes and
teams
 in order to market their products on a whim to boost sales. Regardless of the business area, all
companies
 ranging from energy drinks to airlines are generously financing players and
teams
. To cite an example, Redbull is an energy drink company and they pay huge amounts of sponsorship money to several athletes to just wear their logo and promote their drinks.
Consequently
, Redbull has remained at the top of the most-sold energy drink for 2 consecutive decades.
Moreover
, many big airline
companies
 are now competing with each other to make sure that football
teams
 like Barcelona, Real Madrid and Manchester City carry their name during the playoff games to convince fans to fly with their favourite airlines.
On the other hand
, when the promoted products are hazardous to human health,
this
 opportunity can be undermined and even morph into a disadvantage. To illustrate, some sponsorship offers coming from alcohol brands can give a bad image to
sports
 and individual promoters, since these two different values contradict each other. Unfortunately, commercialism in
sports
 has now compelled regulators or even big players to turn a blind eye to an unhealthy product
that is
 being advertised to consumers.
For instance
, the martial arts artist Conor McGregor has received a plethora of criticism over promoting a whiskey brand during his first UFC debut, raising concerns about the viewership age of
this
 show. In conclusion, despite these sponsors playing a critical role in keeping
sports
 events as big as today, some products should not be promoted as they are considered perilous to consumers.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and states your opinion, so the reader knows what to expect from the essay.
logical structure
Maintain a clear paragraph structure throughout the essay, with each paragraph dedicated to a single main point or argument. Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
supported main points
Support each main point with relevant examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generalizations and strive to be as specific as possible.
complete response
Address the task fully by discussing both views and clearly presenting your own opinion. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are covered and that your opinion is supported with specific reasons and examples throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid ambiguity or vagueness in your arguments, and work on improving the clarity of your expression and idea development.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, relevant examples to support your points. Make sure that examples are directly linked to the arguments being made and clearly illustrate the point you are trying to convey.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • brand visibility
  • target audience
  • endorsement deals
  • positive association
  • commercial interests
  • conflict of interest
  • over-reliance
  • excessive commercialization
  • sportsmanship
  • athletic performance
  • corporate sponsorship
  • fan engagement
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