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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

To recent popularity of online shopping will result in the end of high street shops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#popularity #street #shops
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With the advent of the Internet and social media networks, online shopping has become more popular among people.
Although
 some feel that
this
 trend is causing the end of high
street
shops
, I,
however
, believe that high
street
shops
 are still popular among people in three main areas.
Firstly
, with shopping from traditional
shops
, the instant accessibility to purchased items is much better.
While
 I concede that ordering from home is more comfortable than going to a shopping centre, the problem is that buying from online
shops
 makes you worried about when it will be delivered to you. Another factor is online retailers are not actually cheaper than traditional
shops
. Many supporters of online shopping claim that online
shops
 sell their goods cheaper than
street
shops
.
However
, I would argue that when you have added the cost of shipping, there is often very little difference in price between the two.
Finally
, online
shops
 can never offer you the same experience as
shops
 give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you. When you buy online, you have to rely on the accuracy of either a written description or a photo to make your purchasing choice. Obviously,
this
 cannot compare to the experience of entering a shop and physically seeing and touching the product.
For instance
, you buy a T-shirt from an online shop, but
this
 T-shirt doesn’t fit you and the online shop isn’t responsible for
this
 situation,
while
 in
shops
, you can wear T-shirts of different sizes to find the best one for yourself. In conclusion, the fact that
street
shops
 are no more expensive than their online equivalents, and they offer a better in-shop experience means I believe that they are in no danger of disappearing soon.
Submitted by mohamadhoseinvaeedi on

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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are supported with a bit more detailed examples in all paragraphs, not just the last one.
coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more linking phrases and cohesive devices for a smoother flow between points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided logical and clear arguments to support your viewpoint, with relevant examples, especially in the final paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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