IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many countries offer a free health care system to their citizens rather than relying on private health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a free system, and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #offer #health #care #system #citizens
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In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
healthcare
 is provided by the government through national
healthcare
 systems,
while
 some countries tend to offer private
healthcare
 to their residents. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the main benefits of
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
healthcare
system
 and the problems it may cause for the
population
. In my point of view, the advantages and drawbacks of public
healthcare
 vary depending on the types of medical
services
 and segment of the
population
. The main advantage of
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
healthcare
system
 is that the medical care for citizens of a particular country or region can be received free of any charges or at a very minimal cost.
This
 is surely beneficial for the low-income segment of the
population
, as poor families cannot always afford the high prices of private medical institutions. Another benefit of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government-based
healthcare
services
 is the high quality of sterilization processes of medical instruments. It is widely known that the government supplies hospitals and polyclinics with centralized sterilizing machinery and controls that the equipment is sterilized
according to
 the highest standards,
while
 not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private medical institutions
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
strictly follow the rules and procedures of sterilizing. Talking about dental
services
,
for instance
, I prefer to approach public dental clinics, rather than private ones, because I am more likely to trust the governmental
system
 of sterilization.
Furthermore
,
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
healthcare
system
 provides citizens with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increased access to health
services
.
As a result
, even in the most remote areas of the
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 these
services
 are available for almost all residents of the country.
On the other hand
, the availability of free medical
services
 presumes that more and more people are likely to approach public medical institutions to receive the treatment they need.
Consequently
, one obvious negative effect of free medical
healthcare
 is long queue wait time, which patients have to spend
for receiving
Change preposition
to receive
show examples
 a consultant-led treatment from a particular doctor.
Moreover
,
this
 process has become even more complicated in Uzbekistan,
for example
. As for visiting a cardiologist or another narrow specialist, patients need to
take
Verb problem
get
show examples
 a referral from their therapist first.
Therefore
, long waiting queues usually occur.
Overall
, the benefits of the availability of
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
healthcare
system
 outweigh the drawbacks, as they are affordable for low-income
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
, provide easy access to
healthcare
services
 and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 reliable in terms of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 instruments sterilization process.
While
 there are still some inconveniences for the residents,
such
 as long wait queues to access the treatment they need.
Submitted by aakbarov2010 on

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task response
Ensure a balanced discussion on both advantages and disadvantages. It would help to expand on the disadvantages to make the discussion more balanced.
task response
For a better introduction and conclusion, clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader. This will improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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