IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.
The chart above depicts information about the expenditure of families from
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010. The cost of household divided into five groups, Housing, Transport, Food, Health care, and Other Goods and Services. It showed that Japanese people are likely to spend their money on Other Goods and Services,
while
Linking Words
 Malaysians are more interested in owning properties.
Overall
Linking Words
, the lowest percentage of the household's money allocated in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 are all the same,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for Health Care just 6% and 3%.
While
Linking Words
 for spending on Transport, Japanese are slightly above at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
20% and Malaysian people at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10%. In the other categories, food which is a crucial thing for living stands at
24
Correct article usage
a 24
show examples
 rate in
Japan
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 shares nearly the same figure as a 27 ratio. Moving on to the first essential need of the residents in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 is to be the owner of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 house (34%), whilst
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
, it is the second
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
 thing to have properties (29%). Out of these expenses, it is conspicuous that Japanese and Malaysian households have different priorities when it comes to their needs.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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