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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #control #limit #amount
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Nowadays, in some nations, some
people
Use synonyms
 are earning extraordinarily high payments. A few
people
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 believe that
this
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 is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
excellent for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
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,
while
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 individuals think that the administration could manage and restrict the amount
people
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 can obtain
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
salaries
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. In my opinion, the
government
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 should control
salaries
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for developing public
places
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such
Linking Words
 as
school
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schools
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,
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
 and others.
This
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 essay will discuss
opinions
Correct article usage
the opinions
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 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. On the one hand, large, international businesses provide more job opportunities.
In
Change preposition
As
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, nowadays, many
people
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 are earning extremely
Correct word choice
high
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salaries
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.
Moreover
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, they are working every day. It is contributing to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is that in the
country
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,
people
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have
Verb problem
are
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 living
good
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and developing nation. Hereby, they study very good education which
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
place
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. If
people
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 can earn high
salaries
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, the
country
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 will be rich.
For example
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, it is
lawyer
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a lawyer
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.
Lawyer
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Lawyers
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 earn extremely high
salaries
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the
government
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 can control
salaries
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 and limit the amount
people
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 can earn, money will
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
places
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
, parks and others. Because public
places
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 are crowded
which
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are many
people
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.
For example
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,
in
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apply
show examples
my
country
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 has many individuals in parks.
This
Linking Words
place
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 should be suitable for humans. So the leadership should focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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places
Use synonyms
. If the
government
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 control
this
Linking Words
place
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, it will be
modern
Add an article
a modern
show examples
 and beautiful
place
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. In conclusion, humans are earning high payments. Everyone should take equal
salaries
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.
This
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 should curb in
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
 of the
government
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,
last
Linking Words
 but not least, other
people
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 think that
this
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 is being good for a
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Your introduction should succinctly introduce the topic, outline the two views, and state your position.
Logical Structure
Improve logical structuring by making sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
Coherence
To achieve higher cohesion, use a range of linking words and transitions more effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, clearly address all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views fully and giving your opinion. Make sure your opinion is consistent throughout the essay.
Examples
Include specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
What to do next:
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