IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the country side What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve the situation?

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In recent years, there has been a trend among young
people
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 to leave rural
areas
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 and move to urban
areas
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 to find a better life.
This
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 phenomenon creates several problems,
such
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 as an imbalance in the ageing
population
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 between the countryside and
cities
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. The authorities should implement several plans to solve the problems faced ahead. Massive urbanisation of youngsters leaves the ageing
population
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 behind in rural
areas
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 and causes a lack of labour resources capable of supporting economic growth. Many industries need
people
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 who have special skills and fresh knowledge from young
people
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.
As a result
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, industries can no longer find employees
for
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to
show examples
 run the business process and cause stagnation in economic growth.
In addition
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, the trend of young
people
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 pursuing better lives in
cities
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 increase it
population
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, that affecting the household expenditure. The price of houses, food, and other goods will increase alongside the rise
of
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in
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population
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 in the
cities
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. There are some measures that can be implemented by the authorities to control these problems.
Firstly
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, build more public infrastructure in the countryside
areas
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 and give a tax incentive for company who build a factory in the village. With both of these, companies would be willing to invest and build their factory in those
areas
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, provide good employment for young
people
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, and prevent them from moving out to
cities
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. In conclusion,
although
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 leaving the countryside gives several benefits in the short term for young
people
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, it will lead to unintended consequences in the long term. To prevent that, the government needs to provide better job opportunities for youngsters.

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task response
Explain each problem more fully. For example, say how old people may find it hard to work on farms, get care, or keep village life active.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. You could describe a small town where farms cannot find workers, or a city where rent rises.
task response
Add more than one way to solve the issue. Along with jobs and tax help, the state could improve schools, health care, roads, and internet in rural areas.
task response
Make the link between each action and the result clear. For example, better services and well-paid jobs can make young people more willing to stay.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main point. The first body paragraph has two problems; split them into two paragraphs or develop each one more evenly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “One major problem is that rural areas lose workers.” Then explain this idea before moving to city costs.
coherence and cohesion
Check links between sentences. The sentence about city growth needs a clearer form: “This also raises the number of people in cities, which can increase living costs.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is clear, but it should sum up both main problems as well as the main solutions.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: you explain problems and give ways to help.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: fewer workers in the country and more cost in cities.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful link words, such as “As a result”, “In addition”, and “Firstly”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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