IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Not enough people around the world choose to study science subject at university. What are the reasons for this? what impact does the issue have on society? give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #world #study #science #university #impact #society
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Students
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shows
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show
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interest in
science
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subject
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subjects
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 rather than others because
people
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 are more focused on those
courses
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 which build their career in
short
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a short
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 period of
time
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 and foster their
finacial fullfillement
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financial fulfilment
also
Linking Words
. I
beleive
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believe
 that
society
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 may face challenges in health sector employment . I will explain my above points in the following paragraphs . There are two important reasons are
side
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 hustle
courses
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availaible
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are available
 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
Side
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 hustles
courses
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 are launched by
the
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apply
show examples
social media influencers and tell
people
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 to pay less money in order to get
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a successfull
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successfull
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successful
 career like
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an enterpreneur
show examples
enterpreneur
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entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
 in
short
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a short
show examples
 period of
time
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 . Another major reason is that
students
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wants
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want
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 to do
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a full
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full
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full-time
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time
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 job with their
study
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studies
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 and graduate the course with excellent grades . So, it is hard for most of the
science
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students
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 to do even
part
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part-time
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time
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job
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jobs
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 on the
side
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 .
Therefore
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 ,
people
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 find another subject better in which they can earn
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side
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a side
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 income to survive in daily life and pass the course with good grades.
This
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 problem
shows
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on
the
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apply
show examples
society
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 because
society
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 can face challenges in healthcare jobs . If
less
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fewer
show examples
students
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enrolled
Wrong verb form
enrol
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 in
science
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courses
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then
Linking Words
 it
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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the economy of the country by having
less
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fewer
show examples
 doctors and nurses
availaible
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available
 for
the
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apply
show examples
health services for
people
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 who call for emergency need to wait in
the
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a
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 long line
up
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apply
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of patients , sometimes it
took
Wrong verb form
takes
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 14 hours or more to see
doctor
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a doctor
the doctor
show examples
 in
the
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apply
show examples
Canada
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Canadian
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 hospitals . In conclusion ,
people
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 are more interested in
the
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apply
show examples
short term
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short-term
show examples
courses
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 which can
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their financial dreams and pass
courses
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 with good grades .
This
Linking Words
 issue will
show
Verb problem
have
show examples
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
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 effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 by not getting enough
science
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 graduate
students
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 who can pursue
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
 in doctor and help
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
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 in healthcare.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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Task Achievement
To improve the Task Response, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Include more specific reasons why students may not choose science subjects and discuss the broader societal impacts more comprehensively. Adding more specific examples from knowledge or personal experience can also strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on creating a clearer logical structure throughout your essay by more effectively organizing your paragraphs and ideas. Use a wider range of linking words to better connect your sentences and paragraphs, and make sure your introduction and conclusion more accurately reflect the content of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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