Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I believe that space is something very fascinating for us Humans, and it would be fantastic to discover more about
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
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we consider that we only
seen
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see
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and know a minimal portion of it,
however
, we live in a pretty messed up world where disparities within human beings are very big;
therefore
I would prefer if less money would be spent for space research and more to human development. There are countries like
africa
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Africa
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that
live
Wrong verb form
have lived
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in absolute poverty
since
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for
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decades, I was reading not long ago that a well only
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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1,000$ USA dollars,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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of today there are still plenty of regions in
africa
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Africa
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with no tap water; cancelling 1 space mission that cost billions could
possibily
Correct your spelling
possibly
provide potable water for plenty of regions in
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
and potentially save many people lives.
Submitted by g.marta2013 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, expand your discussion of both viewpoints. While you clearly express a preference for spending on human development over space research, including more detailed analysis and acknowledgment of the potential benefits of space research could create a more balanced argument.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. While the mention of the cost of a well in Africa is relevant, offering additional statistics, studies, or expert opinions could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring your essay more effectively. Introduce your topic with a clear thesis statement, followed by paragraphs each dedicated to a specific aspect of your argument. Conclude by summarizing your stance and reflecting on the broader implications.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transition and linking phrases can enhance the flow of your essay. Use them to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly. Phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'As a result' help to guide the reader through your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • billions of dollars
  • wasted
  • improving conditions
  • technological advancements
  • inspires
  • motivates
  • contributes
  • understanding of the universe
  • investment
  • indirect benefits
  • priority
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