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Band 4.5

nowadays many people are working remotely if they have chance do advantages can outweigh disadvantages?

#people #chance
In many developed cities,  
people
 prefer working online, with having
such
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 means that employees can
work
 from their own
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. Both positive and negative sides of working online can be found, but
overall
, I believe that
Correct article usage
the adventages
show examples
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
this
 trend can outweigh
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. Working online
can
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
acceptable for some
people
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
  
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons.
Firstly
,employees may be bored
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
 daily
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
.
This
 means that they can talk with colleagues in
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
.
Secondly
,
people
 may be ill if they
work
 online. The  reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
,
people
 should sit down regularly
by watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their laptop
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
.
As a result
, their eyes may suffer from
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 lights of
screen
Add an article
the screen
show examples
.
Another words
Replace the adjective
Another word
Other words
show examples
, they may get extra weight by sitting constantly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same place.
This
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they may not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
phiysical
Correct your spelling
physical
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
such
 as walking and climbing up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stairs.
For example
, many
people
 go to their
work
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 foot ,
as well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they may up to
multiplayed
Correct article usage
a multiplayed
show examples
 stage by stairs if their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
locations
Fix the agreement mistake
location
show examples
 is situated
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of
building
Add an article
the building
a building
show examples
.
On the other hand
 ,
people
 prefer to choose
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work
 if they have
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 because of having some reasons.
Firstly
,  they may have more free time to take a break ,and they can have a short time  to
asleep
Correct your spelling
sleep
show examples
.
Secondly
, employees can balance between
work
 and family more rather than  working in
office
Add an article
an office
the office
show examples
.An example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
,
they
Add a missing verb
is they
show examples
 can
busy
Add a missing verb
be busy
show examples
 with
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 family during the day,  
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working extra hours at night.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
 but not least,they can save money and time to
work
 by working at home.
For instance
,
people
 spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
payment
Correct article usage
the payment
show examples
 of
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
 and lunch.
To sum up
,
while
 there are some downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working from home ,
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 can be appeared more than  drawbacks.
Submitted by Azizbek on

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General
Make sure to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. This can make your essay more engaging and more accurately convey your points.
Introduction
In your introduction, clearly rephrase the essay prompt and state your main argument or stance. This sets a solid foundation for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, then support it with examples or further explanation.
Task Response
Expand on your examples by explaining how they support your arguments. Including specific details can help make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
Grammar & Spelling
Try to limit spelling and grammatical errors as they can detract from the clarity of your arguments. Regularly practising writing and reading can help reduce these errors.
Task Achievement
Consider both sides of the argument more evenly to provide a more balanced perspective before concluding with your own viewpoint. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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