IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since there is computer technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion asserting that dedicating a certain amount of money in order to maintain public
libraries
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 is useless since the technology of computers has been improved. I,
however
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, disagree with the given statement on the basis of some compelling reasons that I will reveal throughout
this
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 essay. The main reason is that in order to the rate of birth which has a dramatic decline in recent years around the world; aged accounted for the majority of each society. In
this
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 situation, there are lots of people in almost every region who are not able to use technology. Take our grandparents as an example; they are used to reading
paper base
Correct your spelling
paper-based
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 books, and
this
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 way is more convenient for them.
Thus
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, to respect them as a part of our society, governments should take care of
libraries
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 and provide better conditions for
this
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 group.
In addition
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, so-called places are not just for using books or research. To put it differently, there are many students who need quiet locations or sites for preparing for their exams or writing essays.
This
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 might be because to concentrate better. A good illustration for
this
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 is students would rather
to
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apply
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study in
libraries
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 rather than at home; in terms of distracters
such
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 as noise in their area.
Hence
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, poor quality of
libraries
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 may
cause
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have
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 bad effects on their results.
To conclude
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, I personally take the view that allocating a budget for maintaining or even enhancing the qualification of public
libraries
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 could help to boost the culture of book reading and I am opposed to the view that
claim
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apply
show examples
it is wasting money.

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task achievement
To further improve task achievement, ensure to directly address the essay prompt throughout your essay, including a clear stance from the introduction. While you have presented a strong disagreement, making your argument more direct and explicit earlier can strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more varied and advanced connectives and transition phrases to enhance fluidity between ideas and paragraphs. This would elevate your coherence and cohesion score.
task achievement
Adding more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments could significantly improve the task achievement score. While your essay currently provides general examples, more detailed instances or data can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and punctuation. Small errors can distract from your overall message and reduce clarity. Consider revising sentences that seem awkward or complex to ensure your meaning is immediately clear.
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