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Band 6.5

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.
#household #two #countries #terms #five #categories
The pie chart below
illustrates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
compares the
percentage
 of household spending in two different countries (
Japan
 and
Malaysia
) in five different parts means: Housing, Transport, Food, Health care,
Other
Correct word choice
and Other
show examples
goods
 and
services
 in 2010.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
's chart, The lowest rate
was belong
Change the verb form
belonged
show examples
 to healthcare (%6).
Also
,
this
 category was less in
Malaysia
 than in
Japan
.
In addition
, In
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 the highest
percentage
was belong
Change the verb form
belonged
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods
 and
services
 (%29)
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 In
Malaysia
Add a comma
Malaysia,
show examples
 housing was the highest rate (%34).
Furthermore
, In
Japan
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 place (%24).
However
, In
Malaysia
Add a comma
Malaysia,
show examples
 the
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 place
was belong
Change the verb form
belonged
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods
 and
services
.
Moreover
, In
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 housing was slightly higher than transport just one per cent. Yet, In
Malaysia
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 was slightly lower than
goods
 and
services
. In conclusion,
this
 pie chart compares five significant categories in
Japn
Correct your spelling
Japan
 and
Malaysia
 In 2010.
It is clear that
, Both in
Japan
 and
Malaysia
 hosing was the lowest
percentage
.
Also
, In
Japan
 the highest
percentage
was belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods
 and
services
 (%29)
whereas
, In
Malaysia
 housing
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest rate (%34).
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, japan, malaysia, goods, services with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
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