IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The gap between rich and poor is growing. What problems does this create? What can be done to tackle this.

#gap #create
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In
this
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 modern era, there are many social spaces between the wealthy and the poor
people
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 in our society.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
the causes and
solution
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 of
this
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 situation.
To begin
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 with, there are many
factor
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factors
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 for the increasing
gap
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 between the rich and poor.
First,
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there is
unequal
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an unequal
the unequal
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 distribution of
education
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. Many poor
people
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Add a missing verb
are unaccessible
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unaccessible
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inaccessible
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 can
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 knowledge and
also
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 change the perspective of problems
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can change the poor’s
live
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lives
show examples
. For
instace
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instance
,Chairul Tanjung is one of the famous
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in Indonesia
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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successfull
Correct your spelling
successfully
successful
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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 his
Replace the word
life
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live
Replace the word
life
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to become
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become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 richer
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through
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by
Change preposition
through
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education
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. The second factor,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 strongest of
Correct article usage
the oligharcy
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oligharcy
Correct your spelling
oligarchy
system
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 in the economic’s
system
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 in one country. The
oligharcy
Correct your spelling
oligarchy
system
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 will make the the huge spaces between rich and poor
people
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 because the owners of economic and political capital only give access to the
people
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 closest to them who usually have the same
economy
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economic
show examples
 or
politic
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political
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 background.
For instance
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, the owner of the company
give
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gives
show examples
 work easily without requirements to their colleague’s child. The
solution
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 of the causes is
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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equal access
for
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to
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 individuals without
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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 their economic background
becase
Correct your spelling
because
 everyone has a similar opportunity.
For instance
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, the government frees schools for the citizens without any discrimination. The second
solution
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, the government should make
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 decrease the
gap
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of
Change preposition
between
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy and poor
people
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 before the
gap
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getting
Wrong verb form
gets
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worst
Correct word choice
worse
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 in the future.
For example
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, there is
policy
Correct article usage
a policy
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 to punish
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fraud that leads to create the
oligharchy
Correct your spelling
oligarchy
system
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. In conclusion, the
education
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 and
oligharchy
Correct your spelling
oligarchy
system
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 are the causes that increase the
gap
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 between rich and poor
people
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.
Moreover
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, the
solution
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 of
this
Linking Words
 case is
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal access and policy of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government.
Submitted by azizahqonitas on

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introduction conclusion present
Focus on refining your introduction and conclusion to more clearly present your essay's thesis and summarize your main points. This enhances reader comprehension and convincingly embeds your argument.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph directly support or elaborate on that idea. Use cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) effectively to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Incorporate more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument. While general instances are provided, more detailed and concrete examples would bolster your essay's persuasiveness.
complete response
To fully meet the task requirements, ensure your essay thoroughly answers all parts of the question. Present clear and comprehensive ideas, supported by relevant examples, to address both the problems and solutions related to the wealth gap.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas and examples in a more comprehensive manner. Aim for clarity to make your arguments understandable and persuasive.
relevant specific examples
While providing relevant examples, ensure they are specific and directly related to the issue at hand. This specificity makes your argument more convincing and your essay more engaging.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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