IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that living in big cities makes people have bad health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Big
cities
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 are developed rapidly every day. Some
people
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 assume that big
cities
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 can have various effects on
people
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 and bad
health
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 is one of the examples. In
this
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 essay, I will explain various reasons why big
cities
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 can contribute to bad
health
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.
Firstly
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, big
cities
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 tend to have more
pollution
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 compared to rural areas.
Pollution
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 is a contributing factor to bad air quality.
For instance
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, more
pollution
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 means more
people
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 have a higher chance of getting a disease related to the respiratory system.
In addition
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 to
this
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, a number of
people
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 have complained about the effect of
pollution
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 that can lead to various physical symptoms
such
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 as coughing. Another example is noise
pollution
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 which
also
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 can affect our daily lives.
For instance
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, noise from traffic might harm our hearing ability because of the constant noise. Not only that, extremely loud noises that are coming from planes or airports
also
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 might disturb some
people
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 and impair their hearing ability.
Secondly
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, big
cities
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 might have long traffic and can impact mental
health
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. Another pivotal problem
that is
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 rising is the high burden of work which leads to a decreasing quality of life.
People
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 who have a tendency to work overtime can feel overwhelmed and stressed.
People
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 who are exposed constantly to stress are prone to have bad
health
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 conditions.
For instance
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,
people
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 who face long traffic whenever they go will tend to have a higher chance of being resentful about their daily activities.
Thus
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, it will have negative impacts on their
overall
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health
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 and well-being. In conclusion, big
cities
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 are growing rapidly and can have various negative impacts.
Thus
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, I remain firmly convinced that big
cities
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 can affect the
health
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 condition of
people
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 for many reasons,
such
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 as a higher chance of getting a disease and an impact on mental
health
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.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion can be enhanced by clearly stating your opinion. This adds clarity to your stance on the topic, offering a more comprehensive overview for the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in achieving better coherence and cohesion, making your essay more fluid and easier to follow.
Supported Main Points
Expand on your examples with more detailed evidence and explanation. Specific examples strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
To fully address the task, ensure that your essay not only outlines the problems but also provides a more balanced view or suggests possible solutions. This will enhance the depth of your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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