Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons is it possitive or negative development?
Money
plays an important role in our daily life
. How manage this
income is depending
upon yourself.
In the modern world, Wrong verb form
depends
people
likes
to use Change the verb form
like
money
for spent
rather than save. It affectsChange preposition
to spend
Correct pronoun usage
both
this
essay
we discuss the porns and cons of Add a comma
essay,
this
.
Firstly
, the expenditure of
Change preposition
on
the
daily Correct article usage
apply
life
increasing day by day. If we have enough savings, we must cost an arm or a leg. When we comparing
the price of a phone, it is double Wrong verb form
compare
than
10 years back. Same as the mortgage, rent, Correct word choice
that
lones
even the daily using Correct your spelling
loans
meterials
like soap, food Correct your spelling
materials
meterials
, Correct your spelling
materials
Correct word choice
and cloths
cloths
. So, enough savings are the Correct your spelling
clothes
reponsibilty
of all Correct your spelling
responsibility
people
.
Secondly
, this
trend is common in younger
generation. It is Add an article
the younger
bacause
of the lack of finance management and Correct your spelling
because
inproper
finance education. It is the responsibility of parents and teachers to educate them in Correct your spelling
improper
the
childhood itself. They should Correct article usage
apply
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
about
sources of the income and liabilities.
Save wealth in Change preposition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
of good health. Fix the agreement mistake
times
Otherwise
, it become
a burden when the age runs. We know that Change the verb form
becomes
the
old age is Correct article usage
apply
chellenging
with Correct your spelling
challenging
disease
. So, save Add an article
the disease
money
for retairment
.
Correct your spelling
retirement
In contrast
, we can spend the whole income for meterialistc
Correct your spelling
materialistic
purpose
or some Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
entertinment
activities Correct your spelling
entertainment
inseted
of saving. If they are optimist in their Correct your spelling
instead
inserted
life
. But it is not applicable in
most Change preposition
to
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
. Here people
loose
their abilities and good attitudes.
Replace the word
lose
To conclude
, Money
is very essential for a sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
life
. Manage money
and time accordingingly
. So we can lead a better Correct your spelling
accordingly
life
.Submitted by fspt1234 on
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General Improvement
Address spelling and minor grammar errors consistently to enhance clarity. Notable errors include 'porn' instead of 'pros', 'lones' instead of 'loans', and 'meterials' instead of 'materials'.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify the distinction between positive and negative aspects by using clear markers like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand'. Simple transitions could help guide the reader more effectively through your argument structure.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your points. While you discuss general trends like the increase in cost of living, mentioning specific studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Enhance your introduction and conclusion to more explicitly state your thesis and summarize your key points. Currently, the essay's stance on whether this trend is positive or negative is somewhat unclear.
Coherence & Cohesion
Practice focusing each paragraph on a single idea to enhance coherence. Use the first sentence of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, and ensure every subsequent sentence supports that idea.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.