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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the future, more people will chose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holidays. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holidays #country #travel
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It is certainly undeniable that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is becoming one of the most popular and lucrative industries in the world. Many
people
Use synonyms
 would like to
travel
Use synonyms
 to and visit
destinations
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
 to be more familiar with their own culture and values. Others,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, would like to explore foreign
destinations
Use synonyms
 and experience new cultures. I firmly disagree with the proposed question and believe that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 will choose international
destinations
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 for their
holidays
Use synonyms
. It is argued that domestic tourist
destinations
Use synonyms
 are attracting more travellers these days. Governments are certainly investing a considerable amount of finances
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 promoting local tourist
destinations
Use synonyms
 to help with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth. By targeted marketing, local
offcials
Correct your spelling
officials
 can positively raise
people
Use synonyms
's awareness of the cultural significance and values of their own
country
Use synonyms
 and encourage them to spend their
holidays
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, by spending around $2 billion dollars in the
last
Linking Words
 five years, the United States managed to increase local
tourism
Use synonyms
 by %25.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can be concluded that more
people
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 are spending their
holidays
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who wish to experience new cultures, visit foreign and exotic locations, and meet new
people
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would rather spend their
holidays
Use synonyms
 abroad and go to other countries. Advancements in technology an
d
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry have certainly made international
travel
Use synonyms
 more feasible and convenient.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many countries
such
Linking Words
 as France, England, Thailand, and Australia heavily depend on international
tourism
Use synonyms
 and naturally are investing millions of dollars in their
travel
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 and
tourism
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 campaigns.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is safe to say that many
people
Use synonyms
 would love to
travel
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 to countries to which they have never been and enjoy new experiences. In conclusion, I would agree with the idea that more
people
Use synonyms
 would choose international
holidays
Use synonyms
 so that they can get new experiences, meet new
people
Use synonyms
, and understand other cultures.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic. Your introduction set a good foreground for discussion but could benefit from a more direct statement of agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
Task Achievement
Provide a balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument. While you've done this, ensure your conclusion unequivocally states your position to reinforce the response to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make use of linking words and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument and improve flow. Your essay shows a good use of these, but aim for variety and precision in their application.
Task Achievement
Support main points with specific examples and evidence. You’ve provided some examples, but further specificity could enhance your argument's strength and relevance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider paragraphing for clear separation of ideas. Each paragraph should present and elaborate on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations.
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