In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. What is your opinion? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, when our society is in the stage of rapid development, a tendency can be seen that a huge number of schools replace
sports
Use synonyms
lessons with academic classes. It is agreed, that the main cause of
this
Linking Words
issue is the desire to make
children
Use synonyms
more educated;
however
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
the lack of physical activities
children
Use synonyms
can suffer from physical
as well as
Linking Words
mental diseases.
This
Linking Words
essay,
firstly
Linking Words
,will discuss why some people strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
decision is beneficial,followed by an analysis of outcomes which can influence
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and health.
To begin
Linking Words
with, our humanity encourages pupils to be involved in the education process by learning academic subjects ,as technological progress requires a clever
future
Use synonyms
generation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
future
Use synonyms
incomes of each person depend on their awareness of the particular field of study. To illustrate, doctors or IT staff can be a great example of highly-paid work positions and to be successful in these areas each individual has to be academically educated.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
achievements rarely can be awarded in
future
Use synonyms
, because statistics show that a small minority of sportsmen become famous.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, physical activities, whatever they are, have a huge impact on people, especially on
children
Use synonyms
,because their organism is in the stage of formation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
stimulate brain processes and encourage kids to learn. There are some
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
that prove that
children
Use synonyms
who attend additional
sports
Use synonyms
facultative are more successful than their passive peers.
Also
Linking Words
,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
as a habit can help to reduce risks of appearance diseases in
future
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as dementia, cancer and problems with the cardiovascular system to name a few .
Besides
Linking Words
, basketball or volleyball are team-played games,
therefore
Linking Words
they help to develop communication skills,
as well as
Linking Words
a strategical way of thinking.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
essay agrees with the idea that it is necessary to be educated in academic fields,
due to
Linking Words
future
Use synonyms
opportunities which depend on
this
Linking Words
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
;
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
classes should be provided,since it has a high impact on
children
Use synonyms
's health.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader
Task Achievement
Introduce more concrete examples and data to support your main points, enhancing the effectiveness of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a consistent flow of ideas by improving the logical connections and transitions between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and synonyms to enrich your vocabulary and overall expression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical well-being
  • Healthy growth and development
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Mental health
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Communication
  • Academic performance
  • Concentration
  • Memory
  • Cognitive functions
  • Lifelong habits
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Holistic development
  • Talent development
  • Athletics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: