With deforestration, urban development and illigal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitats and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measuers can be taken to deal with this problem.
In the first part of
this
essay
I am going to analyse the reasons behind the increasing threats to animal lives and their habitats, leading to their extinction.
Hurban Add a comma
essay,
developement
is one of the the main reasons for which deforestation is happening; In the year Correct your spelling
development
1,000
the world population was Add a comma
1,000,
counting
about 250,000 individuals, Verb problem
apply
while
at
today, year 2024 we are close to 8 billion, Change preposition
apply
hence
, the need of
more housing.
Entire forests, Change preposition
for
small
ecosystems, are wiped Correct word choice
and small
to
make space Change preposition
out to
to
new cities. Even if builders try to relocate some of the animals the majority of them get wiped in the process. Change preposition
for
Nonetheless
other species get affected by Add a comma
Nonetheless,
such
relocation.
Another reason for deforestation is the increasing demand of
paper products and packaging, we all know that Change preposition
for
plastic
is absolutely deadly for the environment, entire
countries are now banning it to make space Correct word choice
and entire
to
Change preposition
for
environment friendly
options. Add a hyphen
environment-friendly
For example
, let's think abuout
shopping bags, in Australia all Correct your spelling
about
plastic
shopping bags are now replaced by their paper version, straws, food packaging, many
things that were once made with Correct word choice
and many
plastic
are now completely replace
, Change the verb form
are now completely replaced
are now completely replacing
therefore
an increasing demand is causing a bigger amount of forests deplated
, with animals Correct your spelling
depleted
loosing
their homes.
Illegal hunting and human greed are Replace the word
losing
also
affecting this
problem. Illegal hunting of species that are already at risk, or as it is happening in Africa the hunt elephants
and lions for their horns and heads to sell to collectionists.
Another cause of deforestation, Change preposition
of elephants
altough
minimal compared to the previous ones, is the use of wood as fuel. How many of us have a fireplace at home?
A lot of species that are vital to human life like bees, are disappearing, it is very important for us to do everything in our power to protect them.
Correct your spelling
although
Measure
can be taken to prevent the destruction that Add an article
The measure
A measure
took
place Wrong verb form
has taken
for
the past years, Change preposition
in
for example
, we could reduce packaging use.
When we go to the supermarket, our dairy food get
packed into small Change the verb form
gets
plastic
bags and then
wrapped in a couple of layers of paper, is that necessary?? Do we need a fire place
at home?
I believe everybody can help, we just need to change our mindset.Correct your spelling
fireplace
Submitted by g.marta2013 on
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task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your position on the importance of protecting animals and provide a brief outline of the measures to be discussed. This will help in forming a cohesive and comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific reason for the threat to animals or a specific measure. Use transition words ('Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'However') to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your position in a different way. This will provide a clear end to your essay and reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your claims. For instance, include statistics or studies showing the impact of deforestation or illegal hunting on specific animal populations. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure you address the second part of the question by discussing specific measures that can be taken to protect animals more comprehensively. Expand on your suggestions for reducing packaging use and provide additional effective measures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.