IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The rise of social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 has dramatically transformed the way people communicate and interact.
While
Linking Words
 these
platforms
Use synonyms
 offer numerous benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as facilitating connections and providing a space for self-expression, there is a growing concern about their potential negative impacts on individuals and society. I strongly agree that social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 have a significant negative impact, particularly in terms of mental
health
Use synonyms
,
privacy
Use synonyms
, and social dynamics.
Firstly
Linking Words
, social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 can have detrimental effects on mental
health
Use synonyms
. The constant exposure to curated images and posts can lead to unrealistic expectations and comparisons, which often result in feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Studies have shown that prolonged use of these
platforms
Use synonyms
 is associated with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
For instance
Linking Words
, young people who spend a significant amount of time on social media are more likely to experience mental
health
Use synonyms
 issues
due to
Linking Words
 the pressure to present a perfect online persona and the fear of missing out on social activities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these
platforms
Use synonyms
 pose serious threats to
privacy
Use synonyms
. Users often share personal information without fully understanding the implications, which can lead to
data
Use synonyms
 breaches and misuse of information. Social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 collect vast amounts of
data
Use synonyms
, which can be exploited for targeted advertising, political manipulation, and even identity theft. The lack of control over personal
data
Use synonyms
 erodes trust and undermines individuals’ sense of security.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the widespread dissemination of fake news and misinformation can distort public perception and influence societal attitudes and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 negatively. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 have revolutionized communication, I firmly believe that their negative impacts on mental
health
Use synonyms
,
privacy
Use synonyms
, and social dynamics are profound. The pressure to maintain a certain image, the risks associated with
data
Use synonyms
privacy
Use synonyms
, and the potential for spreading misinformation highlight the need for greater awareness and regulation. It is crucial for individuals to use these
platforms
Use synonyms
 mindfully and for society to develop strategies to mitigate their adverse effects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To achieve an even higher score, consider including a counterargument to show a balanced view before refuting it with stronger evidence. This could demonstrate a deeper level of critical thinking and make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although the essay is very well-organized, transitioning between some sentences could be smoother. Utilizing transitional phrases more frequently can help in linking ideas more fluidly and improve the overall flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and engaging introduction and a strong, conclusive summary that reinforces your stance effectively.
Task Achievement
The main points are supported with relevant and specific examples, which strengthens the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
You have effectively communicated clear and comprehensive ideas, making your stance easy to understand and follow. Excellent work!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: