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Band 3

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
There are some
people
 who
saying
Change the form of the verb
say
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
 is a good way of bringing
people
or
Correct your spelling
of
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 other cultures and ages together.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 I
am agree
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agree
show examples
 or disagree.
To begin
 with, some
people
saying
Wrong verb form
say
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 that the
muskc
Correct your spelling
music
 can bring different cultures and ages together, but it is not
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 whole truth. The fact is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 we have
generation
Add an article
a generation
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 gap , young and old. So how we know the young
generation
prefer
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prefers
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new
music
such
 as hip hop , jazz and so on ,
while
 the older calm and relaxing
music
. In
this
 case, it is really difficult to find a way to bring
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 together, because the taste of
music
have
Change the verb form
has
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 big differences.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, there
is
Change the verb form
are
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also
cultures
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
dfferences
Correct your spelling
differences
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 make
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
show examples
 to find the taste
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
, because as I mentioned before everybody has their own priorities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
, but sometimes the taste of
music
 in two
generationmatched
Correct your spelling
generation matched
 and in the end
people
 can decide what they can listen even when they don't understand the words that saying in
music
,
people
 enjoy to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 the
music
.
To conclude
, it is really hard to find a way
brong
Correct your spelling
bring
 two
generation
Change to a plural noun
generations
show examples
 together, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 that will
he
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 experiment for them to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
music
 together.
Submitted by ravann.ibrahimli on

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked. Your introduction should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement. The body paragraphs should then provide detailed reasons for your viewpoint, supported by examples or evidence. Finally, your conclusion should summarize your argument without introducing new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, first, ensure that your essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by explanations or examples. Use transition words like 'Furthermore', 'However', or 'Consequently' to link your ideas smoothly. Additionally, make sure that your ideas logically flow from one to the next, avoiding abrupt jumps or unrelated information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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