The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

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It is true that a healthy lifestyle needs to start from an early childhood so that youngsters can gain a consciousness of health awareness and help to boost an individual's development.I totally agree that the school should introduce more physical education to the students.In the following paragraphs,I will provide my own opinion in detail.

To begin

Linking Words

with,parents should encourage their children to join more physical classes because

this

Linking Words

helps to teach them to maintain healthy habits in their daily life from an early age to adulthood to prevent unwanted diseases like obesity, heart disease and others.

For example

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,youths who are taking part in sports activities are more likely healthier compared to those who have sedentary lifestyles.

In addition

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,a child that prefers to stay at home and

staring

Wrong verb form

stare

show examples

at their Smartphone the whole day

also

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can lead to bad eyesight.

Apart from

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this

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,sometimes leads to serious eye problems.

Moreover

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,a healthy body

also

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reduces the strain on the healthcare system.

Consequently

Linking Words

,money-saving to every family.

On the other hand

Linking Words

,group activities help to grow an individual's development

such

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as communication skills and problem-solving skills that could be useful in the future time.

Furthermore

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,not only

this

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can enhance one's social interaction skills

as well as

Linking Words

maintain good mental health.

For example

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

exercise and sports regularly can

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

a person

to reduces

Verb problem

reduce

show examples

stress-related illness.

As a result

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, a healthy mind is a healthy body. In conclusion,the public and parents play a big role in keeping their little ones in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good shape

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

they are the future of our society.

Therefore

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,I strongly agree that the school curriculum should include physical education.

tifjongTue Feb 13 2024

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task achievement

To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on your arguments by adding more in-depth analysis and considering opposing viewpoints or counterarguments. This will demonstrate a richer engagement with the topic.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the flow of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases. Also, ensure each paragraph clearly supports your central thesis with a specific central idea.

general

Proofread your essay for errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling, as these can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to illustrate your main points. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Consider adding a short paragraph discussing the other side of the argument or limitations of your view. This can make your essay appear more balanced and well-considered.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

strain on the health care system
introduce
physical education
curriculum
overweight
nutrition
balanced diet
obesity-related diseases
genetic factors
socioeconomic status
reevaluation
academic priorities
holistic approach
public health policies
community support

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Your opinion

Some people think the government should pay for healthcare and education, but other people claim that it is the individual’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People in your area are having problems with their Internet connections. Write a letter to this company which provides the connection. In your letter 1. describe the problems 2. explain how they are affecting people 3. say what the company should do to help You don't need to write any address

Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, entertainers get paid more than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive development?