The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?
It is true that a healthy lifestyle needs to start from an early childhood so that youngsters can gain a consciousness of health awareness and help to boost an individual's development.I totally agree that the school should introduce more physical education to the students.In the following paragraphs,I will provide my own opinion in detail.
To begin
with,parents should encourage their children to join more physical classes because this
helps to teach them to maintain healthy habits in their daily life from an early age to adulthood to prevent unwanted diseases like obesity, heart disease and others.For example
,youths who are taking part in sports activities are more likely healthier compared to those who have sedentary lifestyles.In addition
,a child that prefers to stay at home and staring
at their Smartphone the whole day Wrong verb form
stare
also
can lead to bad eyesight.Apart from
this
,sometimes leads to serious eye problems. Moreover
,a healthy body also
reduces the strain on the healthcare system.Consequently
,money-saving to every family.
On the other hand
,group activities help to grow an individual's development such
as communication skills and problem-solving skills that could be useful in the future time.Furthermore
,not only this
can enhance one's social interaction skills as well as
maintain good mental health.For example
,by
doing Change preposition
apply
an
exercise and sports regularly can Correct article usage
apply
helps
a person Wrong verb form
help
to reduces
stress-related illness.Verb problem
reduce
As a result
, a healthy mind is a healthy body.
In conclusion,the public and parents play a big role in keeping their little ones in a
good shape Correct article usage
apply
beacuse
they are the future of our society.Correct your spelling
because
Therefore
,I strongly agree that the school curriculum should include physical education.Submitted by tifjong on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on your arguments by adding more in-depth analysis and considering opposing viewpoints or counterarguments. This will demonstrate a richer engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the flow of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases. Also, ensure each paragraph clearly supports your central thesis with a specific central idea.
general
Proofread your essay for errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling, as these can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your main points. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Consider adding a short paragraph discussing the other side of the argument or limitations of your view. This can make your essay appear more balanced and well-considered.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?