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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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Toys
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 play a significant role in the growth of the kids so Many
parents
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 choose to give multiple stuffs for toying around to their kids. They believe that it enhances their development and they do not feel bored in their free time.
This
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 situation has positive
as well as
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 negative effects. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will explain both the factors in brief.
Firstly
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, the main benefit of having so many
toys
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 is that it can help to increase creativity and imagination. Some games involve storytelling, puzzle solving, simple math, and science that improve their knowledge
apart from
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this
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 craftwork can develop creativity. When
children
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 have various options to play they can choose
according to
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 their taste and
parents
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 can easily understand
children
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’s area of interest.
In addition
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, some
toys
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 like kitchen sets involve role-playing so by playing with them their imagination power will be increased, and
also
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 understand different aspects of life.
Moreover
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,
toys
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 can help them to increase physical strength and develop skills. Some
parents
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 gift them
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
, tennis kits, cricket kits, and basketballs because of
this
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 they indulge themselves in outdoor activities and do exercise.
Toys
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also
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 provide mental support and emotional comfort which develop moral values in the
children
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.
Although
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, several benefits there are adverse effects of
this
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 condition In life having too much can harm a person. If
children
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 have so many things to play
then
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 there are chances of becoming materialistic not only
this
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 but kids can not understand the value of the items. They tend to break old
toys
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 to get new
toys
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 from the
children
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 as they know they will get them from the
parents
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.
Additionally
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, organization skills can be destroyed
due to
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 the multiple options as they do not have a proper place to keep all of them
then
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 they will put them anywhere.
Also
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, it can be difficult to track the items.
Apart from
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this
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, their unnecessary demands can be increased and they can become stubborn. In conclusion, having a variety of
toys
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 can evolve many skills in the child but it can
also
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 lead to negativity so the
parents
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 should provide
toys
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 as per the necessity and the interests of the child.

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction by clearly stating the thesis statement that summarizes your discussion points more directly. For instance, explicitly mention the positive and negative effects of having many toys right at the end of your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure smoother transitions between your paragraphs to make your arguments flow more naturally. For example, using linking phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'however' can help connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support the claims you make, such as mentioning specific types of toys that enhance creativity or examples of how materialism can manifest in children.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of both the advantages and disadvantages of having many toys, which is important for addressing the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized, with clear main points in separate paragraphs that outline the benefits and drawbacks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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