IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the popularity of the cinemas around the world has declined. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #popularity #cinemas #world
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Nowadays,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are not as favoured as before throughout the world.
This
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 assumption
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
 by some people.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I believe it is completely correct because of two reasons -which I will mention and explain in
two
Correct determiner usage
the
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 following paragraphs. On the one hand, people do not need to go to
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
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for watching
Change preposition
to watch
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 a movie,
whereas
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, big screens, which can provide the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
science
 of being in
cinemas
Use synonyms
,
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be found in every
houses
Change to a singular noun
house
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.
As a result
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, individuals prefer paying
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
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 less for downloading the film and watching
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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in
Change preposition
with
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 their
circle-of-friend
Correct your spelling
family
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 or
family-gathering
Correct your spelling
family
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instead
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 of spending a lot on
cinema's
Change noun form
cinema
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 tickets.
Consequently
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,
this
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 marketing
are
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is
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 experiencing a decrease
due to
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 technology modernisation day-in-day-out.
On the other hand
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interesting movies
are
Change the verb form
is
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 observed around the world.
Subsequently
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, not only popularity of
cinemas
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 have been lost but
also
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 the average
of
Change preposition
apply
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spending time on films decreased.To be more precise, current products in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
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 industry are found dull by youths
as well as
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 adults which can be resulted in changing densely-populated
cinemas
Use synonyms
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abandaned
Correct your spelling
abandoned
 places. So, creating
boreing
Correct your spelling
boring
 movies
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
disapearing
Correct your spelling
disappearing
 people's
tendecy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to
dedicating
Wrong verb form
dedicate
show examples
 some time to going to
cinemas
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, the
cinemas
Use synonyms
 could not remain
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 lost
it's
Replace the word
its
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 fans
between
Change preposition
among
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 the crowd.
Moreover
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, it can be attributed to producing dull movies
as well as
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 selling expensive tickets compared to the cost of downloading and playing
in
Change preposition
at
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 home.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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Task Response
Ensure clear and concise thesis statements in your introduction that clearly state your viewpoint.
Task Response
Develop your arguments with specific examples to strengthen your essay. Consider incorporating statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on improving logical sequence in your paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on paragraph structuring. Begin with a topic sentence, follow with supporting sentences, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes or links to the next paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • popularity
  • declined
  • online streaming platforms
  • cinema attendance
  • convenience
  • affordability
  • competition
  • unique experience
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