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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negavite sitiation

It is an established fact that
Use synonyms
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 of living is
one
Use synonyms
 of the basic needs of humans. From ancient times structure of the
house
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved from stone caves to
luxuary
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 and sophisticated houses. In the developing
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
place
Use synonyms
 of living should be
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 daily chores.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 consider
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
home
Use synonyms
 as
one
Use synonyms
 of the factors which help them to
demonstarte
Correct your spelling
demonstrate their
thier
Use synonyms
 wealth. There is an established norm among
people
Use synonyms
 in
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
countries
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 that a
person
Use synonyms
 with a proper job and a
house
Use synonyms
 to live
is
Change preposition
in is
show examples
 an ideal
person
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 to
be married
Wrong verb form
marry
show examples
. Most of the
people
Use synonyms
 spent
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life savings
builting
Correct your spelling
building
 homes stating that
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 they do not have anything to eat there is a
place
Use synonyms
 to live. Owning a
home
Use synonyms
 in
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives much
secure
Correct quantifier usage
more secure
show examples
. In Sri Lanka, the bigger the
house
Use synonyms
, the more the acceptance of the society will be
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
. As mentioned above
home
Use synonyms
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the parameters to measure the wealth of a
person
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it is very important
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 to own a
house
Use synonyms
 rather than renting out. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 most of the
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 do not own
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 are different reasons for the same. Specially in
such
Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
 the cost a
person
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had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 to bear in order to
built
Change the verb
build
show examples
 a
house
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 is unbearably expensive,
therefore
Linking Words
 rather than investing a huge amount of money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 something which does not generate any income,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to rent out
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
Use synonyms
thier requirments
Correct your spelling
their requirements
. In
countiries
Correct your spelling
countries
 like Australia there are citizens who do not own a
home
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 for themselves and not being concerned about the same as far as they can rent out a decent
place
Use synonyms
 to live. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think a
person
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have to necessarily own a
home
Use synonyms
. I
ackowledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 the fact that a
person
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to have a decent
place
Use synonyms
 to live
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
at the end
Linking Words
 of a long day everyone
longed
Wrong verb form
longs
show examples
 to be
Change preposition
in
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own space resting and detoxing.
One
Use synonyms
 can make someone else's
house
Use synonyms
 a
home
Use synonyms
 with care, love and warmth.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 as mentioned above, with the developments and needs of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 society a
person
Use synonyms
 has to spend a hefty sum of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 newly built or bought.
Such
Linking Words
 commitment
draw
Correct subject-verb agreement
draws
show examples
 back the capacity of a
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
show examples
 chances of living a sophisticated
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. In conclusion, there are pros and cons
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both owning a
house
Use synonyms
 and renting out. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 like to own a
home
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own but
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 circumstances
to
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not allow them to do so. And some
people
Use synonyms
 do everything to own
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
house
Use synonyms
 despite the challenges they face. But
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
oscillates
Change the verb form
oscillate
show examples
 between social pressure and
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 sustainability.

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task achievement
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly answer the question and guide your essay.
task achievement
Increase the use of specific examples to support your points. General statements can be strengthened by including relevant examples from real life or studies.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will be about.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This improves the reader’s ability to follow your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position in response to the essay question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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