IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think is the case? Is this a good or a bad thing?

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Some individuals are attracted to something material, undoubtedly, we can see it through their preferences in what they wear,
such
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 as watches or other accessories from quite luxury brands.
Additionally
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, fashion and
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 influence on its members of society
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 seen nowadays.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their positive and negative impacts on
Correct article usage
the earth
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earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 and
their
Change the word
the
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 environment.
Firstly
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, the beneficial
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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 that we can meet in spite of wearing and buying trendy things is an economic increase of diverse fashion brands.
However
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, we all know that their products are overpriced and their good strategy of marketing is well-known in our
social-medias
Correct your spelling
social media
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: TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.
Therefore
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, these brands,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Yves Saint-Laurent, Chanel, Miu Miu and many others help their country to rise economically through various state-imposed taxes.
Furthermore
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, they in turn are used to improve the country.
Secondly
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, trendy clothes
make
Verb problem
create
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 an illusion of difference between poor society and wealthy one.
Consequently
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, we can meet plenty of robberies, especially in big cities, where
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
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crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 of people. A large number of individuals can feel insecure owing to the idea that they are not good enough for not having what others may purchase.
In addition
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, the fashion industries have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 influence on our earth.
For instance
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, overproduction, global warming, air pollution and water pollution.
To sum up
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, all these disadvantages and advantages that we can find out have their effects,
therefore
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 I believe that we should care more about our land and what surrounds us too. Our ecological system will not survive with all these
toxically
Change the word
toxic
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 gas emissions that we currently have.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you directly address all parts of the prompt. The question asks for reasons behind people's preference for fashionable clothes and whether this is positive or negative. Your response should directly explore these points. Consider starting with a clear thesis statement that answers the prompt explicitly and guide your paragraphs to directly support those reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on developing a more structured presentation of your ideas. Use clear paragraphs for different ideas, and within each paragraph, use topic sentences to state the main idea clearly. Then, use supporting sentences to develop that idea. Improve logical flow by using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
General
To further improve your essay, be careful with generalizations and ensure your argument is well-supported with examples or evidence. Also, while discussing the impacts of fashion, ensure your examples directly relate to the question's focus on people's preference for fashionable clothes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • express individuality
  • boost confidence
  • self-esteem
  • social status
  • designer labels
  • cultural icons
  • art and creativity
  • financial strain
  • overspend
  • fast fashion
  • culture of waste
  • economic growth
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