Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think is the case? Is this a good or a bad thing?
Some individuals are attracted to something material, undoubtedly, we can see it through their preferences in what they wear,
such
as watches or other accessories from quite luxury brands. Additionally
, fashion and his
influence on its members of society Correct pronoun usage
its
became
seen nowadays. Wrong verb form
have become
This
essay will discuss about
their positive and negative impacts on Remove the preposition
apply
Correct article usage
the earth
earth
and Capitalize word
Earth
their
environment.
Change the word
the
Firstly
, the beneficial consequences
that we can meet in spite of wearing and buying trendy things is an economic increase of diverse fashion brands. Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
However
, we all know that their products are overpriced and their good strategy of marketing is well-known in our social-medias
: TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. Correct your spelling
social media
Therefore
, these brands, such
as,
Yves Saint-Laurent, Chanel, Miu Miu and many others help their country to rise economically through various state-imposed taxes. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, they in turn are used to improve the country.
Secondly
, trendy clothes make
an illusion of difference between poor society and wealthy one. Verb problem
create
Consequently
, we can meet plenty of robberies, especially in big cities, where are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
crowd
of people. A large number of individuals can feel insecure owing to the idea that they are not good enough for not having what others may purchase. Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
In addition
, the fashion industries have negative
influence on our earth. Add an article
a negative
For instance
, overproduction, global warming, air pollution and water pollution.
To sum up
, all these disadvantages and advantages that we can find out have their effects, therefore
I believe that we should care more about our land and what surrounds us too. Our ecological system will not survive with all these toxically
gas emissions that we currently have.Change the word
toxic
Submitted by acaitaz on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you directly address all parts of the prompt. The question asks for reasons behind people's preference for fashionable clothes and whether this is positive or negative. Your response should directly explore these points. Consider starting with a clear thesis statement that answers the prompt explicitly and guide your paragraphs to directly support those reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on developing a more structured presentation of your ideas. Use clear paragraphs for different ideas, and within each paragraph, use topic sentences to state the main idea clearly. Then, use supporting sentences to develop that idea. Improve logical flow by using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
General
To further improve your essay, be careful with generalizations and ensure your argument is well-supported with examples or evidence. Also, while discussing the impacts of fashion, ensure your examples directly relate to the question's focus on people's preference for fashionable clothes.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?