Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #buildings #ones

There is a belief

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

conservation

Correct article usage

the conservation

show examples

of particular old structures is more important than others. For

this

essay, I am going to agree with

this

idea. I believe that

these

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

certain buildings are more important than others, and they should have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

priority. Because they give

people

pleasure in different ways and, they are a kind of inspiration for some. Some specific buildings are giving pleasure to

people

in different ways. Just looking at the architectural design of these structures might be a source of enjoyment for some.

For example

, I can sit and watch the dome of Blue Mosque for an hour, because the shape of

dome

Correct article usage

the dome

show examples

and

patterns

Correct article usage

the patterns

show examples

on it are magnificent. I can see many different things every time I look at it.

Furthermore

, its complete structure is

also

fabulous, and I can look over

for

Correct pronoun usage

it for

show examples

hours.

Moreover

, these certain buildings are a kind of source of inspiration for some

people

. They are like humans

about

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show examples

their lifespans, they

born

Add a missing verb

are born

show examples

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

aged

Replace the word

age

show examples

and die.

This

is why they inspire some

people

, they can survive

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

wars, natural

disasters

etc. The Great Wall of China is a great example

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

situation, it is thousands of years old and

got

Verb problem

has

show examples

over many wars and natural

disasters

and

stays

Wrong verb form

stayed

show examples

still despite all these factors.

This

can be demonstrated for humans as building

solid

Correct article usage

a solid

show examples

foundation helps you to survive many

disasters

in your life (Building a solid foundation can be demonstrated in humans as it helps them survive many

disasters

in life).

To conclude

, it is more crucial

that

Change preposition

show examples

preservation

Replace the word

preserve

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

certain aged structures rather than other ones because they are

kind

Correct article usage

a kind

show examples

of source of joy and inspire

people

in some ways.

Submitted by ionyourenglish on Tue Feb 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points. Establish a logical flow between ideas to enhance cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Introduce a broader range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the essay's overall cohesion.

task achievement

Work on developing your examples further. Providing more detailed and specific examples can strengthen your arguments and support your points more convincingly.

task achievement

For a higher score, aim to cover the task more completely by addressing the prompt more directly throughout the essay. Clearly state your position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion, ensuring consistency in your argument.

task achievement

While your essay presents a clear position, incorporating a counter-argument can add depth to your analysis. Acknowledging alternative viewpoints before refuting them or reinforcing your thesis could offer a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Nowadays an increasing numbers of profession such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can done to solve this.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract more local people to these museums?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?