IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most of the world’s problems are caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued by many individuals that, overpopulation is the major cause of many issues. I am in favour of
this
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 statement because it is the root cause of many challenges faced by our communities many
problems
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such
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 as fossil fuels, the education system, health issues, and many more are just caused
due to
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 overcrowded
people
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 in each sector.
To begin
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 with, the population rate is increasing day by day and is the significant reason for many
problems
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 like our resources
such
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 as petroleum, and light are decreasing because we need more of them but
due to
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 high demand our government faces
problems
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 filling the needs of the citizens. As in Pakistan inflation is rising and the main reason is crowding as these energies are nonrenewable
hence
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 they are facing a shortage of a few of them. The
people
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 living there
face
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 great hardship to survive in
such
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 conditions many
people
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 die every year just because they do not get enough food and basic needs of life like clean and clear water and gas for cooking.
Furthermore
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, it is challenging for students who are already studying in high universities for a better future. Children think that it is easy for them if they take a degree in any good linked subject like medicine but they
face
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 great challenges when they move in professional life.
However
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, as they are new and inexperienced and did not get the jobs readily
hence
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face
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 many
problems
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.
Moreover
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, it is affecting the lifestyles of many
people
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 in many ways like more congestion of the
people
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 on the road in the form of traffic and
due to
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this
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 many
face
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problems
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 in finding proper accommodation here. In conclusion, overcrowding is becoming a big problem these days, and the fact is undeniable but it can be tackled if the government makes strict rules regarding childbirth like the parents are not allowed to give birth to more than two kids. But there are other contributing factors as well.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in presenting ideas. Some sentences are convoluted, making the argument challenging to follow. Aim for simpler, clearer sentences to enhance understanding and flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to better signpost your argument and aid the reader's journey through your essay.
task achievement
Expand the development of each main point with more detailed examples and explanations. Currently, the examples used are somewhat general and could be more specific to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on the balance of the essay by ensuring that the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are proportional in length and depth. The conclusion should not introduce new ideas but rather summarize the main ones.
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