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Writing Samples
Band 7

Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

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Nowadays, with the rapid advancement of technology, digital entertainment has become increasingly sophisticated and appealing to
children
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.
Therefore
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, most
children
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 are drawn to watching
TV
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 rather than engaging in more productive activities, which is not beneficial for their development. One of the most obvious reasons is the wide variety of engaging programs available on
TV
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 daily, including movies, talk shows, games, and cartoons, ... Those have the power to capture
children
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’s interests readily, especially during their curious developmental stage.
Furthermore
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, watching television doesn’t require any effort.
Children
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 can sit or lie comfortably and still be fully entertained
while
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 moving needs more energy. Ultimately, family influence plays a significant role. If parents frequently watch
TV
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,
children
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 are likely to adopt the same habit over time.
However
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,
this
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 doesn’t mean that no solutions are available.
Firstly
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,
children
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 should be encouraged to form a healthy lifestyle by limiting their amount of
TV
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 time to just 1 or 2 hours per day.
Moreover
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, parents can create a more active environment by providing puzzles, clay, and handmade materials for
children
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 to play with. Registering them for some skill courses like painting, music or dancing is another wise idea.
Last
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 but not least, Parents play a crucial role in setting a good example for their
children
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 by reducing their own screen time and guiding
children
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 to use
TV
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 for learning purposes
instead
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 of inactive entertainment. In conclusion, watching
TV
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 isn’t inherently a terrible problem. Its impact depends on how it is utilized effectively and appropriately, especially for
children
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 who are the neediest to be instructed and controlled carefully.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the main points in your body paragraphs to provide more depth and support for your arguments. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics related to children's television viewing habits and their impact on development.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question posed to ensure a strong connection between all ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction summarizes the issue well, adding a brief statement about the kind of solutions you will discuss can make it clearer for the reader and can help in structuring your essay more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument without confusion.
task achievement
You provide practical solutions to the issue, which adds relevance to your essay and shows your understanding of the topic.
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