IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Write a letter to a friend. You have borrowed something from your friend and it got damaged. 1. Apologize for damaging the product 2. Explain what happened 3. Say how are you going to fix the issue

#friend #product
Dear Mira I do apologize for being irresponsible. You know recently, I have borrowed
money
 from you for something.
However
, I have told you " I promise, if I have
money
 in my pocket, I will refund you." But, now I do not have any
money
. One reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I had a lot of problems with my work, study, rent and some fees. That's why I have needed to pay my all
money
 to them. I
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promise you,
I
Correct word choice
that I
show examples
will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fix my mistake. Yet, I do not have
money
, if my boss gives
my
Correct pronoun usage
me my
show examples
 salary. I will refund and I am going to earn a reasonable amount of
money
 and I will save up for you. Do not worry I will pay back your
money
 friend.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 faithfully Asal
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure clarity in your explanation by stating the item borrowed precisely and describing the situation leading to its damage. Your current letter mentions borrowing money, which doesn't align with the task of explaining a borrowed item getting damaged.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, it's important to logically organize your paragraphs. The first paragraph should purely focus on an apology and acknowledging the damage. The second paragraph should explain the circumstances of the damage. Lastly, the third paragraph should detail the plan to resolve the issue or reimburse your friend.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between ideas within paragraphs and using a variety of cohesive devices beyond 'however' and 'but.' Also, each paragraph should ideally support a single main idea to enhance the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
Adopt a more formal and sincere tone when addressing the situation, particularly since you are apologizing and making a commitment to resolve a mistake. The closing phrase 'Your faithfully' is typically used with 'Yours,' so it should be 'Yours faithfully'.

The Closing

The style of the letter determine how you have to close it.

Check out the suggested closing sentences for each type of letter in the General IELTS Test. The closing sentence should be the last sentence of your letter.

Formal style (To someone you have not met, whose name you don’t know)

  • Yours faithfully,

Semi-formal (To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know)

  • Yours sincerely,

Informal (To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use)

  • Best regards,
  • Warm wishes,

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