IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

Music
Use synonyms
 is often regarded as a universal language capable of transcending cultural and generational boundaries. I wholeheartedly agree that
music
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in uniting
people
Use synonyms
 of diverse backgrounds and ages, as it fosters shared experiences, promotes mutual understanding, and strengthens social cohesion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
music
Use synonyms
 creates a shared emotional experience that can bridge differences. A melody, rhythm, or harmony can evoke similar feelings of joy, nostalgia, or excitement among listeners, regardless of their cultural origins or age.
For instance
Linking Words
, global phenomena
such
Linking Words
 as classical symphonies, pop
music
Use synonyms
, and international
music
Use synonyms
 festivals attract audiences from all walks of life, demonstrating
music
Use synonyms
’s capacity to generate collective enthusiasm and break down social barriers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exposure to
music
Use synonyms
 from other cultures encourages intercultural understanding. When individuals listen to traditional songs, folk
music
Use synonyms
, or contemporary genres from different countries, they gain insight into foreign customs, values, and history.
This
Linking Words
 exposure not only broadens their horizons but
also
Linking Words
 fosters tolerance and appreciation for cultural diversity.
Similarly
Linking Words
, cross-generational
music
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as family karaoke sessions or community choirs, allows younger and older participants to bond over shared interests and experiences.
Finally
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 can strengthen social cohesion by creating communal spaces for interaction. Concerts,
music
Use synonyms
 workshops, and festivals provide platforms where
people
Use synonyms
 of varying ages and backgrounds can meet, collaborate, and celebrate together.
Such
Linking Words
 shared participation promotes empathy, cooperation, and a sense of belonging, which are essential for harmonious societies. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 is undeniably a powerful medium that unites
people
Use synonyms
 across cultural and generational divides. By evoking shared emotions, fostering intercultural understanding, and creating inclusive communal spaces,
music
Use synonyms
 can contribute significantly to social harmony. I
therefore
Linking Words
 fully support the view that
music
Use synonyms
 is an effective tool for bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add a small counter point to show you see limits of music as a tool, and say why your view still holds.
coherence cohesion
Use more different linking words to keep the flow smooth between parts and avoid repeating the same phrases.
strength
Clear view with strong proof from music all over the world.
strength
Good choice of examples to show how music can tie people together.
strength
The ending restates view well and closes the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: