IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

People are behind fashion.What are the factors influencing fashion?Is it good to be fashionable?Discuss both the Pros and Cons.What your take?

#people #fashion #factors
In
this
 contemporary world, craze has become an invaluable thing all over the world.
However
, many
people
 are of the opinion that
people
 should not pursue the fashion sense, whether, it is acceptable or not. In
this
 essay, I will be explaining the advantages and disadvantages of following the vogue. On the one hand, the vogue has become a trend in our modern society.
People
, especially the youth generation
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made the craze as an incentive to enhance their
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 and
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 by walking on a ramp.
Furthrmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, women
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 great knowledge in
this
 sector in designing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
materials and importing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products from other countries.
Secondly
,
people
 nowadays even
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 to connect with customers around the world to sell their designed clothes
as well as
 accessories. To exemplify,
people
 who
leave in
Verb problem
live
show examples
 abroad can take the measurements of their dresses
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online if a wedding ceremony is
planning
Wrong verb form
planned
show examples
 to
held
Add a missing verb
be held
show examples
 in their home country.
Thus
, fashions are
inflencing
Correct your spelling
influencing
a lot of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 in different ways.
On the other hand
, It says that income is not sufficient to meet
people
Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your essay has a complete introduction, body paragraphs focusing on clear, detailed points, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the topic and your stance. Your essay lacks a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or further explanation. Use cohesive devices (e.g., firstly, secondly, furthermore) appropriately to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While discussing the topic, make sure to respond to all parts of the question. This includes explaining factors influencing fashion, discussing the pros and cons of being fashionable, and presenting your standpoint. You partially covered these aspects but did not fully elaborate on each.
general
Use a wider range of vocabulary and aim for accuracy in spelling, grammar, and punctuation to increase clarity and expression in your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: