discuss advantages and disadvantages of strict laws to control the noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people.
An increasing number of noises that disturb many
people
has les
to a strict rule. Correct your spelling
led
People
believe there are huge advantages of
the Change preposition
to
law
, while
others as opposed. In this
essay, both of them will be discussed, and I will consider my posisition
.
On the one hand, a Correct your spelling
position
serous
benefit that can arise from strict Correct your spelling
serious
law
to tackle sound
Add an article
the sound
problem
by punishment is that it Fix the agreement mistake
problems
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
calm
atmosphere. Correct article usage
a calm
As the
sounds can transform Correct word choice
The
to
detrimental pollution which leads Change preposition
into
many
repercussions in society, Change preposition
to many
such
as anxiety, deppresions
, and Correct your spelling
depression
depressions
also
ears
disease. Before the Change the noun form
ear
law
, people
are frequently playing sound
systems with
high Change preposition
at
volume
, Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
for example
, in
every morning, Change preposition
apply
parties
, and other activities, Change preposition
at parties
whereas
, now people
prefer to think it
first if they yearn to make Change preposition
about it
a
Correct article usage
apply
noise
of musics
because of punishment. Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
As a result
, according to
research of
The University of Indonesia, the decreasing amount of Change preposition
from
noise
made by people
has lead
to Wrong verb form
led
cosy
atmosphere which can frequently lead to Add an article
the cosy
a cosy
Correct article usage
a health
health
mentality of citizens.
Replace the word
healthy
On the other hand
, some believe that strict law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
of
Change preposition
on
noises
would be risky. Fix the agreement mistake
noise
In other words
, sound
is sometimes by human
with some Fix the agreement mistake
humans
purposes
. Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
For instance
, workers in
roads need to operate huge machines which Change preposition
on
is produce
noisy Change the verb form
produce
sound
for reparating the roads. Fix the agreement mistake
sounds
However
, strict rules can disturb the efficiency for
workers Change preposition
of
to work
who run for the deadline of timetables. Verb problem
apply
Similarly
, transportation also
create
many noisy Change the verb form
creates
while
commuting interactions cannot
be stopped because of the Correct pronoun usage
that cannot
noise
.
From my perspective, I support the first argument, as noise
can decrease brain's
function because of Correct article usage
the brain's
the
mental health issues. Correct article usage
apply
Although
there are several jobs that cannot be separated by noisy sound
, at least the sound
can alleviate little by little from society.
In conclusion, however
, the law
can lead to several drawback situations, the benefits are more impactful for many people
.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Task Achievement
Be clear in your introduction about your position on the topic. Instead of saying you will consider your position, state it directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure by using connecting words and clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. General statements are less effective than concrete examples or statistics.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea of the paragraph.
General
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Minor errors can distract and affect the clarity of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, instead of restating the drawback and benefits comparison, reiterate your position clearly, summarizing why you support it with a reflective statement on the overall discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example